OUT, again, AloNe
Originally uploaded by margiana.
Yesterday morning I fled from home.
I have been awake until 3 am for Gilda's inconsolable cries... she finally fall asleep and I had to wake up at 7 for her feeding time... after that she got back to sleep.
I was dead tired, devastated but ...Andrea was sleeping and Gilda too.
A flash in my mind and I found myself already in the shower. I got dressed, kissed goodbye Andrea and the little Gilda and started the car.
I switched on the radio and Bruce Springsting was singing "The River", I started to focus... and I slowly realized that... it was the first time since last April, when I got pregnant, that I was out in the world by myself... all alone... no pregnant belly, no baby, no husband, no friends... nobody... just me, myself and I!
It has been a strange feeling. Alone...finally alone.
I had breakfast at my favourite bar and I had a barley cappuccino (that reminded me it's not really me.... or better...it's me breastfeeding!!!) but enjoyed the great cornetto... and read the newspaper.
Later I went to the grocery store to shop for food: it was all so easy and fast, and I was feeling so light.
Then...time expired! It was feeding time again! But at least I knew I was still a person with only one outline!
Yes, everything has changed:
- I gained some more kilos;
- I feel a lot older;
- have more stretchmarks;
- have bigger and milky breasts;
- have to deal with constant backache and cervical pain that leads to major headache;
- I am not free to go to the bathroom or have a shower whenever I want;
- I miss my husband;
- I am reading 3 books at the same time and yet none... maybe I can read a line or two a day;
- everything I do it takes double the time that used to take;
... and I could go on forever...and I am only at the beginning of this adventure.
I enjoyed those 2 hours out by myself but I was missing the smell of my daughter. The smell... this is what I was missing the most!
To make the long story short... even if I loved to be by myself, I know I am not by my only self anymore... I'm not one outline only ... I am now two.. and will be for some time.
I got back home... husband and daughter still asleep... it was Valentine's day... I prepared breakfast and displayed some flowers in a vase... woke up Andrea. Gilda followed...
Andrea had breakfast and so did Gilda.. all together at the same table...sharing Valentine's jelly "hearts".
