Contour line.

So now.... I keep on logging in to my blog, wanting to write something but I often find my head empty like if none of my thoughts are ready to get fixed on the 'paper'.
I always pictured me and my life as a contour-line in shape of my body and inside all different colours and nuances all mixed together... all the colours enters throught the senses... through my nose, eyes, hears, touch and taste and then my mind elaborates them and give them a place into the contour.
There are periods in my life in which the disorders reigns... all colours floats around not knowing where to go and what kind of pictures they will represent, and the disorder is not a bad thing because it means there's a lot of ferment inside. It means there are a lot of experiences and thoughts and feelings inside.
But after a while there's this need in me, this urge to give a sense to all this colourful 'thing' and so I take my time to rearrange everything and give a sense to all .... so that the colours can go and draw the pictures I'd like. It's like a puzzle.

In those days I'm in the middle of this big caos thing... it's like an house after you moved. All boxes open with different items in it... and even if you wrote the contained on every boxes you don't know exactly every item is in it.
I am into the 'elaborating' period....
I think I'm living a crucial moment of my life and I'm selecting friends, emotions, 'meanings' and feelings and it will mean a lot for my future.

I feel very lucky. I feel full of colours. I feel full of hope.
I'm blessed because I have special persons around me. I'm blessed because I had special friends around me. I'm blessed because I have a family...a crazy one but still a sort of family. I'm blessed because I have Andrea, I'm blessed because I have faith, I'm blessed because I'm sensitive, because I have a roof on my head and because I don't live in a country of war....

So now, even if I know I have to prepare a lot of things for the wedding and even if I'd like to invite millions of people and I can't do it... even if we should book for the honeymoon and even if I have to know how to do with my garden and with Monocolo while I'll be out... all those things added together makes me tired.
Meanwhile... there's also a part of my worries headed toward my job situation. The contracts ends on september 30th and while in my honeymoon I'll call the job to know if I'll have to go back to work or if I will stay jobless again... and if I'll be jobless then I'll stay on my honeymoon for some more days.

Tomorrow there will be a birthday party here at my house... we organize a surprise party for Silvia... but my digital camera is broken and won't be able to post any pictures:-(