Ciao!
Originally uploaded by margiana.
Today is the first day of rain... there's a powerful rainstorm outside and it's windy. It really forebodes the change of season. I went outside and drove my feet in the wet earth and stayed there... still... in order to get this heavy rain and the wind.
Friend Kathy once told me to do this... I don't remember if I was feeling sad, tired or what... I just remember reading an email she sent saying...just go outside and let the rain pour on you.
That's what I did this morning.
I stayed there for some good 10 minutes, with my nightrobe on, barefooted.. breathing the storm and getting into the nature.
It's a couple of weeks I'm not sleeping well... I am smelling the change... I know that in less than one month I'll be back at work... and that will be a change.
I am lucky. I will work only 4 hours until the first of january, and they'll assign me a fixed shift... and I asked for the 7-11pm shift so that Andrea and I will exchange little Gilda and she won't suffer too much of a change.
But once mamma goes back to work...then it's time of changes anyway!
I feel really lucky. I had the chance to stay at home during most of my pregnancy and during those last 10 months. I spent my time with my baby and with this new me...
I nursed Gilda everytime she needed it, I was with her anytime she wanted.
I had the chance to search out for this mamma-feeling I have inside of me and understand what this is for me, for my family and for the society.
I found myself totally changed.
I found myself another person.
I found myself different.
I found that the misteries of life aren't unfold but are tragically beautiful. That a smile or a caress is priceless.
The other day a friend of mine (now pregnant) was asking me if I felt the need of going out to a movie by myself... and yet, I told her that this is not a priority.
Of course, if you ask me if I want to spend a day in a spa I will tell you YES... but still, in my everyday life, this is not an urge.
I talk with other moms and they all complain about how difficult and hard it is to have babies... but still I can't relate.
It's hard, and tiring, of course... but only if you measure this with the pre-motherhood's life-meters.
The fact is that I am not counting my tiredness... it's not comparable to anything else: I don't sleep, I clean, I cook, I go out for a walk, I shop for grocery... and I also do those things only when I can... meaning I have to zig zag through nap-time, snack-time, nursing-time, bath-time... and that means I have to change my mind continuously without feeling affected by those sudden changes.
I am not sacrificing MYSELF for the well being of my daughter... I am just living according to my sense of motherhood and to my love for this unique creature. And this is no heavy weight for me.
I also must say that I am helped by Andrea who's great in letting me see the good and easy part of everything...but until now (which is not a long road, I know) it's going well.
In the next days I must repair my bike, put on the child's chair and organize my days according to the new weather.
Last week end of october will be on the mountain for the chestnut pick up and probably some more days in Rome before the winter withdrawal....
let's see what's next... meanwhile... goodbye summer!
