Qualcosa che non c'è.

Been busy lately. But I am still happy.
It's a strange period this one. I keep on loving my job and my sweet little home and my husband but at the same time I feel a little asleep. I don't know, it's difficult to explain. It's a time in which I feel I live in a sort of 'emotionally-polluted' world. At work I'm realising there are a lot of clandestine laison within basically everybody and even if I am not a maiden but I still get disturbed by tangled and mixed and interchangeable relations.
At the same time, while those persons change their daily humors depending on the attention of one or another my ego explodes and invades the sky and the air around me. I simply realise how lucky I am to have all that I have.
Of course I get into a melanchonic mood, due to the Christmas season and to the tiredness of the whole year but it's been a special year this one too and I need to keep it in mind.

Tomorrow we'll drive all the way up to Vienna to meet Kathy and her boys and we'll be back on thursday. We'll taste a little of real Christmas atmosphere (here it's still fall:-)).

Here are the words of a song I'm listening in those days.

QUALCOSA CHE NON C'E'
Tutto questo tempo
a chiedermi cos'è che
non mi lascia in pace
tutti questi anni
a chiedermi
se vado veramente bene
così
come sono
così

così un giorno
ho scritto sul quaderno
io farò sognare il mondo
con la musica
non molto tempo dopo
non mi bastava
fare un salto per
raggiungere la felicità
ho aspettato a lungo
qualcosa che non c'è
invece di guardare il sole sorgere
...
questo è sempre stato il modo
per fermare il tempo
e la velocità
passi svelti della gente
la disattenzione
le parole dette
senza l'umiltà
senza cuore così
solo per far rumore
ho aspettato a lungo
qualcosa che non c'è
invece di guardare
il sole sorgere
...
e miracolosamente non
ho smesso di sognare
e miracolosamente
non riesco a non sperare
...
e se c'è un segreto
è fare tutto come
se vedessi solo il sole

un segreto è fare tutto
come se
fare tutto come se
vedessi solo il sole
vedessi solo il sole
vedessi solo il sole

e non
qualcosa che non c'è

Elisa

Addiction

Good afternoon, my name is G. S. and I am addicted to computers!

I have no computer at home in those days. Andrea is in France for work and he took the laptop with him. I feel lost, lonely and unable to get information. How can it be that? I am not addicted to television, I don't watch it, I may be addicted to radio too, but I am addicted to the web for sure. It's stupid!

Tomorrow I'll leave to Rome for a couple of days and will have access to the web.... yuhoo!!!!!

At the bus stop

At the bus stop
Originally uploaded by margiana.

Here's my life lately:
1.wake up around 4/4.30;
2.ride my bike to the airport,work, ride back home-light and quick lunch;
3.walk to the bus stop (10/15mins);
4.bus to destination-walk from the bus stop to the twins' house (10/15mins);
5.babysit:usually 2 hours walk around the city with the twins;
6.walk back to the bus stop;
7.bus-walk from the bus stop back home;
8.cook a quick dinner;
9.bed.
You can change the schedule once a week when from point 2 you can add:
3a. ride on the bike to the swimming pool (10mins ride);
4a. secretary work;
5a. ride back home;
start again with point 8.

The good thing is that I can exercise a little with those brisk walks and rides and have not a lot of time for big dinner.
The bad thing is that I am dead tired. The house is a mess and dirt, I have no time to wash clothes and iron them and of course this is also the time of the year in which Andrea gets crazy at work because really busy.
No time to shop for grocery (I don't feel comfortable to go shopping with the twins, I'm not prepared psycologically to respond to their 'scream' in public!).

At least I bring my camera with me everyday and I loaded my I-Pod with tons of podcasts that help me with the english. That means I can somehow improve my english (hopefully) by walking.
Not a lot more to tell since my brain gets blank as soon as it has a minute of rest.
More soon.... hopefully!

Would you like a tea?

Would you like a tea?
Originally uploaded by margiana.

Last Sunday I had a brunch at Zita's. Zita is a special character who comes and go in my life. She lives in an indefinite space and time and has a dimension of life I've never really got in touch with. But I find her interesting because of this. My mom and my granma as well as a possible daughter of mine would find all interesting topics to discuss with her and exchange opinions. I don't know if I passed it right. But she's an inspiring person.
Anyhow! we finally find the way to get together with Irene and her 5 months old twins Pietro and Sveva and share some time together. Each of us brought something and I cooked blueberry muffin and brought some great apples and walnuts I got from a friend's garden.
We enjoyed our brunch and the company of the babies, talking and chatting about our different path of life.
I enjoyed the Sunday Sun.

It's Fall!

Apples Originally uploaded by margiana.

And here is the fall....
When I was younger I did not like autumn: it was time to go back to school, no more time to go to the beach and at 5pm is already 'night'.
Lately I find myself really in love with this season.
I love the colours and the lights but above all I love the continuous return to Earth!
Leaves fall to earth transformed by the time in shape and colours, flowers do their last blooming before going to sleep and their colours are astonishing also if I saw them during the whole summer.
In a way it's a more spectacular spring. It's not only about birth but also about death....death with the certainty of a resurrection.
That is why in autumn I prepare the soil for the spring, I plant the bulbs projecting the explotion of the fresh colours of flowers in the spring and put to rest those plants that want to sleep in the winter... I find this full of Hope and Love.
You too have a good day!

Unpaid holidays

Sorry I haven't been posting lately... but this is always a busy period of the year... busy because I have to distract my mind from the fact that I am jobless again!
I wish I could post some of my wedding pics or some of my everyday life's but since we don't own a pc (see.... Andrea is a pc programmer and doesn't own a pc...aren't we weird?) and I don't want to load the pics on this pc... I'll have to wait until Andrea brings home another pc.
So pics apart... I have been doing lots of things lately.
I'm working at the local swimming pool again but only twice or three times a week, then... from november I'll probably babysit the twins of my friend and meanwhile I hope the airport will call me back!
Andrea and I welcomed our new piece of jewellery in our kitchen: the dish-washing-machine. I know the enthusiasm for this household appliance may sounds strange to Americans since you almost always have it in your kitchen, but this is our absolutely 1st dish-washer and our rythms are happily changing due to its arrival in our life. Not only we'll save water for washing the dishes but we save time that we can spend together!!! The kitchen is now always clean and we can use as many plates and cutlery as we wish. We're happy:-)
Moreover we have been assembling IKEA furnitures in the week end and I still have to put everything in order but I give priority to the gardening because of the good weather.
Yesterday and today is a sunny warm day since Scirocco is blowing and I washed as many clothes possible so to dry out in the sun. I'm back into my gardening since this last summer I did not cuddle it as I use to and once back from the honeymoon I found a lot of plants deceased thanks to my so-called friend who offered to water them:-(
In the future.... lots of clothes to iron, some other cleanings to do, selecting wedding pictures and produce an album and cd and stuff, write and send thank you cards ect.... and enjoy the city a little more.
This is the perfect season to walk around in Bologna. The colours of the fall match with those of the city and the weather still lets you go out.
Gotta go out in my garden now....

Period of adjustment!

...yes we are home...
yes we are still surrounded by wedding gifts and unpacked backpacks.
Moreover last friday we went to IKEA to buy a new closet for the bathroom and a furniture to put in the 'access area', we also bought 2 chairs and this trolley for the kitchen... so now we have right in the middle of the living room some furniture that we still have to put in their places... the house is dirty and a mess but I had to go to work right the day we arrived and tomorrow is my 'so-to-say' day off...but I'll have to do my houseworks. Moreover the garden is a mess.... some plants have died while we were abroad and the weeds infested the lawn. So...after the house there's the garden.
I also should invite tons of people at home who wants to see pictures of the wedding and I'd like to post some pics on the blog, but it requires a little time.
Hope to be able to do all this soon.

Back in OUR home!

Just a few lines to tell you we survived the passage from the holiday to OUR own house.... my parents let us barely breath but we are home safe and sound. Tomorrow afternoon I have the late shift at work at the airport but from the day after tomorrow I'll try to start with my life and to contact as much as possible you my friends.
I'm happy!!!

Last day in Oia!

...yesterday has been a cloudy and rainy day. We spent it in Thira, the capital city of Santorini, walking around like tourists and having a big cup of yoghurt, fruit and honey on a beautiful roof garden overlooking the sea.
Got back home and decided to have dinner in a fancy restaurant. The fact is that we never go out for dinner and really never to fancy restaurant, so it is only once in every trip we make that we decide we can spend a lot more than usual for a special meal. So here we went in this place Ambrosia and Nectar restaurant and enjoyed this wonderful and expensive meal. Great experience expecially when the check arrived. But it was fun!
Tonight there has been a wind storm going around. I was awake almost all night listening to the wind singing!
But this morning... all of a sudden the weather changed and sun came out. We took the car back to the rent a car office and had a walk in the village. Bought some fruit and vegetables and cooked a light lunch and ate in the terrace... I spent a couple of hours sunbathing in the terrace while Andrea slept in the room:-) I went to buy some olives and ouzo and pistachio nut, then had some grapes to prepare a good aperitif to enjoy with the sunset.
After the natural show.... went to have a souvlaki at a place we've never been before.... a simple super/nice place where we ate a lot and spent 1/5 of what we spent yesterday and really enjoyed the dinner together with a couple of young cats asking for meat!:-)
What else? We had our last night walk in Oia and said ciao to all the dogs and cats we met in this place and met more gentle persons. This is really the thing that struck us more.... the gentleness and kindness of the persons: to keep in mind!
Transfer arranged at 5, we'll be in Rome at 10 something....

P.S. didn't told you about my job situation: the chief of personnel called me to ask to work for some 20 days more.... no permanent contract on the way... they'll discuss about the short-term contract position in the second half of october.... meanwhile, I accepted the 20 days more and will be back at work the 3rd:-( a little sad for this news... I was expecting a permanent contract from october the 1st.... but it's ok.... I've got an husband who watches over me:-)

A whole day at the beach!

Yesterday it was a gorgeous day! Sunny and warm with a slight wind blowing... we rent a car a small yellow Peugeot 107 and went to Vlychada beach, our favourite beach in Santorini. This beach is beautiful because of the cliffs carved by the wind and because it's never crowded. We spent the day there...we had several bath in the Aegean sea and enjoyed the sun and a good yogurt with fruit:-))
At night we went to the lighthouse to enjoy the fading sunset and finally had dinner in a sort of greek fast food:-)
Went to bed and found out poor Andrea has the fever!!!
And today another cloudy day!

On a sadder note: sounds like my job contract is not in good shape... they may ask me to work for another 20 days and then they'll discuss about our (some 30 persons) short term contracts after mid october:-( Cross fingers!

Rainy day!

Yesterday it has been a really rainy day! At night the room was lit up by lightnings... in the morning the caldera was covered by heavy grey clouds.
So we poor newlyweds decided to spend the rest of the day in the room :-) We had breakfast, bought some postcards and came back home!!
We also bought some food and had lunch on the terrace (in a brief moment of sunshine!) and had a super greek salad (to eat something new!) withOUT onion but we couln't miss the tzatziki and grapes!
Around 6pm the sun came out again to show us the most beautiful sunset that we enjoyed from our terrace with great envy of those who were paying for a ouzo in the roof garden of the bar in front of us!:-)
But today..... it's sunny and we are going to rent a car (we now have almost a bronchitis, after the scooter's run and the windy but romantic dinner on the roof garden of a nice restaurant overlooking the caldera...) and enjoy the beach!

Boat trip to the caldera!

This morning we woke up with a thunderstorm on the air! Buckets of rain were pouring down and water entered in the room from the closed windows. Thunders and lightnings did their show. Here they are not used at the rain (see also Santorini cultivation).... and said that it was more than 4 months that did not rain. So we woke up and had breakfast in the hall of the hotel (since the only place for breakfast is on the swimming pool edge because they do not even consider the possibility of strong rain!) and we asked to call the travel agency because we booked a boat trip on the volcano. The excursion was not cancelled... in fact around 10 the sun came up again and everything was back in its place!... we got on the boat and went to Caldera visiting the volcano of Nea Kameli, Palea Kameli where we had a swim in the hot springs and Thilassia were we had lunch. The panorama was beautiful, the sun shine the whole day and we arrived in Armeni Port (the old port of Santorini) where we stepped all our way up to Oia, just in time to have a shower and to see the famous, beautiful sunset.
We also attended to a ChristianOrtodox mass... we heard chants from the church and we went in. They offered us their bread and it was pretty much a touching moments.
Gotta go....

A walk at dawn!

Woke up at 6.30am today and push Andrea out of bed.... of course he wasn't happy about that but I wanted to go out early and see the Oia village still asleep! It was breathtaking! Took some picture (I'll load them once back home) and breath the fresh air of the early morning. Oia looks totally different when people is not around... old houses are more visible and the colourful doors (usually open) are all closed to show their special beauty.
I loved that walk... then we had breakfast and took our scooter again to reach Mesa Pigadia a beach at the southermost part of the island... The beach is all made with black round stones and there's this small restaurant (the only one) overlooking the sea and the small bay. We had lunch there...it is run by a family, granpa, dad, wife, and a couple of children... and some friends of the granpa. The food was great and the environment simply faboulous. Got our drive back home... on the windy scooter and had a shower... again we went out for food and had dinner in a fancy restaurant.... it has been a great day!

Santorini

We arrived in Santorini at the sunrise. The airport is almost on the beach! We got the bus to Oia (where we decided to stay) and went to the travel agency right in front of the bus station... exactly how the Lonely Planet Guide said, they are way more than gentle and showed us a couple of "hotels" to choose. Here, despite the end of the summer it's still high season and it's all fully booked! We decided to stay at Museum spa Hotel . Like most of the hotels here, this one was a private home, then a musem and now a Best Western hotel... there's the swimming pool and a nice terrace to watch the famous Oia sunset. We had lunch in a beautiful restaurant overlooking the caldera and then went to sleep since this morning we woke up at 3am. Woke up and found out we lost the sunset!!! It was 8pm!!!! So we went out had lunch... we ate a little too much and a little too fried! We ordered a greek salad that despite of the heavy breath it's really healthy and I was just thinking that we are eating right and healthy... (the vegetables are really really fresh here!) but then the zucchini balls and the stuffed eggplats arrived and all my "healthy" thoughts flew away! Now we are full and just had a walk in this romantic village. It is soooo beautiful!!!

Honeymoon!

So here we are in Athens. We are enjoying this chaotic and noisy city as well as its inhabitants... We visited the Acropolis and all the ancients ruins... also had a long walk up to Lycavittus hill and saw the view... poor us today it-s raining and it started while we were having our dinner at the nice small port of Mikrolimano in the Pireo. We had to take a taxi and now are back home safe and sound. Have a lots of things to say but small time. I-m using a greek keyboard and it-s a little difficult.... hope to write more soon. We are really having fun!

...about the wedding!

Our wedding was great! Of course this is my point of view so it may not be objective but.... I loved that day and will for the rest of my days. I was beautiful like I-ve never been before. I was not nervous... just a tear when Andrea saw me and told me - You are beautiful!- in a way he never did before. The ceremony was perfect. The pries Pier Luigi was happy to celebrate it for us and said important words. I did not cried nor got wrong with the things to say. We looked at each other with loving eyes and it has been great.... There-s a lot more to say but I-ll write more when back home putting pictures and more precise impressions...
Know I-m happy!

The day before the wedding....

Up and down in Rome.... got the wedding dress... tears out of my eyes for no reason. I left Andrea at the hotel.... I don't want to stay without him.... lots of phone calls, lots of people coming to visit... lots of unknown traditions... lts of people who pretend to know how I feel.... lots of emotions packed in my small heart.... I'm confused...think I'm happy but I'm looking forward to the ceremony.... a little worried but it's ok... just want to go to sleep and I still have things to do.:-(
Domani è un altro giorno.

Touching moments

We are rushing and hurrying around..... gotta go there and buy this and then remember to buy that and so on...
On the to-do-list of yesterday there was also the visit to Andra's uncle, the brother of his father. It's a couple of years we don't see him and his partner Enova.
So we went to zio Gino to bring them the candy box. She's 84 and he's almost 83 so we knew they could not be to the ceremony.
We went there and he barely recognized Andrea. He's phisically in shape (as an 83 y.o. man can be) but he's loosing his memory. And we stayed there half an hour and it has been a very touching moment.
Andrea was shocked to see his only link to his dad's family out of work... Zio Gino understands everything but do not remember. While crying he said some very important things.
He was making a statement on his situation and he said that of course life is a great gift but he was complaining because at a certain time he wish to stop with it and that he's happy to live only because Enova lives, otherwise..... it wouldn't be worth. He continued saying: "to love each other is the only important thing in life".
Should I tell you I was crying like a fountain?
He said he has been content in his life. He adopted a young girl when he was younger and he loved her as his own child.... he was remembering this and said "I had not a lot of money but.... better to spend those money for someone in need than for other things." Should I tell you how my eyes were spilling salted water?
It has been very touching. Seeing he's frustration for not remembering about Andrea.... nowing that he is his niece but still an unknown.
Andrea was crying too telling him how much he loves him.... and me... I was almost drowning...
The thought is: even if he lost his memory he still had 'important' things to say... those coming from the heart, those coming from a long life, those coming from up above.
Gotta really go and live to Rome.

Gotta go and get married:-)

Last day here in Bologna.... need to prepare the bags for the honeymoon, prepare the house for being abandoned for some 20 days.... arrange things for Monocat and do the last things for our wedding day.
I think I'm ready if not for the horrible cold and throatache and now cough that it's killing me.... so I'll probably be sneezing and coughing and aching on the 14 sep... but it's ok... I'll be there!
Yuppie!!!!!!!
I'm excited.

wedding.... it's all about somebody else!

I got this great chance to drive down to Rome by myself. Andrea left on Monday to Catania (Sicily) for work and he flew back to Rome the same night, so that on Tuesday we had time to arrange the last things together.
I love to drive by myself. I worked from 5.15am to 9.45 then went back home.... prepared Monocolo for a 2 days vacation from parents and the house and packed something, choosed cds and started driving through, Emilia Romagna, Toscana, Umbria and Lazio...
My soundtrack was Negramaro, Bruce Springsteen and U2. I loved it. Time to stay with me.
Everlasting music...good for my soul. Me and the road.... the nature seen from a small-fast-car on a tongue of autostrada.... during a special moment of my life....
Andrea is gone for a day. I miss his company for the trip but it is soooo long I don't take a ride by myself.
A long trip through Montana comes back on my mind.... pink rockies, cool waters running down the mountains... a sky full of stars and No Doubt and Dire Straits playing: I was happy!
So, as the notes play and the words go by I feel in peace: I AM GETTING MARRIED IN 10 DAYS!
And I'm not scared.... I actually really love it!
I am conscious of what I am going to promise and that makes me feel so free and productive and an adult... and other millions things I don't know how to explain.
I keep on driving.... and I feel relaxed or tired.... well both... I feel serene and almost ready to face my parents and relatives and to support them in what seems to be their business more than mine.
I get to my aunt's home and from there we go to the restaurant to fix the last thing. My mom is worried because the streets to go there are difficult and curvy.... and because some people may get lost..: no matter I already told her we're going to print maps and that there are also very clear directions on the roads.
Finished with the restaurant.
Yesterday we went to the (hopefully) last try of the wedding dress...the dress is still to finish. I can't believe it takes forever.... but I am not worried, I simply imagine the tailor needs her time to do it and she won't let me walk the aile of the church with my jeans on... if not she'll get killed by my mom.
Then... I had an appointment with the priest but he postponed in the afternoon so we had to go back to Ostia. My mom was getting crazy: 'the dress is still not finished and we still have to do lots of things.... flowers and church and priest and rings.....'. No matter if I am calm. Go to Ostia and talk to the florist for my bouquet (ok done)...then went home and eat lunch. After that Andrea and I went to the church and talked to the priest (done), then to the jewelry to buy the ring (done) then back home to sleep (done).
So we finally did everything but once back home the feeling is I did not accomplished anything because mom is nervous, and anxious and everything like this.
No matter you tell her to calm down, that we are happy whatever it happens, that we will be so few and friends and relatives that will be ok..... she doesn't care.
So I think that to be a bride-to-be consists mainly in trying to maintain the calm and to understand that it is all about somebody else's anxiety.... I just breath and think white and green and so it will be my wedding.
My mom is master in letting me think that:
- other's wedding were great;
- she won't cry because she did not cried at her own wedding;
- I am beautiful but I could head for more beauty.... (this is a weird topic: I have never claimed to be beautiful nor to expecially care for it... and I don't think how people can think you can be beautiful at your wedding.... usually you are dead tired, no sleep brings you black bags under your eyes and swallen eyes, usually stress improve the rate of your pimple and the colour of your skin is horrible unless you make those super expensive treatments..... moreover the period does all possible tricks to invite itself to your wedding with everything that concern his presence like PMS, swallen breast and water retention.... so that your wedding dress may not fits you like you thought).....
- everybody will look at you and see the results of your anchestors, so you better act good;
- people expects to eat well and a lot, feel good and have fun.....

....so and what if I want a simple wedding so that people can concentrate on the meaning of the wedding itself? Is it possible? Can a simple wish like this come true? Or maybe not.... this is a wedding and people knows everything about it!

Surprise!

Let's talk about this super Surprise I got lately.
There is this group of girl friends of mine... we are 5 all different in shape and colours and education.... call-sign: Spice friends... it's silly and stupid but it works! It's something that I wouldn't count on in my past but it turns out to be a very nice and supportive group.

Now...they helped me out a lot for this wedding and I knew they would have organized something for my farwell to sprinsterhood!

I was really worried and upset of it. I was afraid I had to go in one of those silly places where women want to claim their 'equality' to men's lust.... and I told them I wouldn't go.
By the way, my august rosters came out with this 2 days off at the end of august that were pretty unusual, so I asked around the reasons for this extra day off the answers were always very vague.

The 20 of aug we had a Spice dinner to celebrate the so called Posh-Fabiola-Spice's b-day.
And after her b-day present there was one for me.
A big green box and inside a beautiful picture album with some pictures of the 5 of us during our annual 2-days-Spice vacation. Inside the album each of them wrote touching and loving words so that my tears were able to creaty a salty swimming pool. Moreover, they wrote down a perfect plan for our 2 days and half vacation.
aug 29: after work we leave headed to Riccione (sea) for an half day sunbathing. Dinner in Riccione. Then we go to Santa Sofia (where Posh-Spice mom lives in a beautiful old country house) and we'll stay there for a 2 days relaxing vacation cuddled by the super-Posh-Spice-mom who already cooked cakes and was ready for bbqs and walks on the appenines:-)
I was super happy, it was a perfect timing and the perfect way to let me relax.

So here comes the 29th and they pick me up at home.... in the bag I put some warm clothes and pijiama because in the mountains it's usually colder.... my bikini and solar protections and my jeans and t-shirt.
We arrive at in Riccione and they park in an hotel parking lot. I did not understand why... I was concerned to receive some ticket because of the wrong parking.... but they gave me a folder with their pictures and comments on how I felt into a trap!
I was wrong.... they prepared for me a different program: 2 nights in this 4 stars hotel and a spa schedule with a body peeling with sand and shell powder, thermal shower, some french-named-massage, a facial tratment, a super relaxing massage and the access to the wellness beach with special thermal pools.

I won't describe the happiness. We spent some 3 days cuddled by the hands of experts masseuses. We all did the program and they payed for me in whole.
I came out of this 3 days vacation more than relaxed and with the knowledge of having special persons around me....
I am happy, and relaxed and beauty (or at least I feel so!).
Gotta run to Rome for the last things....

Prosciutto e melone.

Yesterday I was a little too much into my PMS. It was my day off but I had a terrible headache, the office called me to ask to work today (that was another day off) and I looked around and the house was horribly untidy.... had to iron my legendary pile of clothes and the gardens were not at their best. At the same time I have this thought to my wedding and I still have to finish to embroid the candy-box for the guests. I was feeling fat, swallen and ugly. And last but not least I'm getting worried for the term of my job-contract. But I guess this happens to some other women too!
So I talked to Andrea a couple of times on the phone and I was putting a little pressure on him because I was feeling I am the one who has to do all the things and bla bla bla.... (but I guess this happens to other women too!)....
So I cleaned the house, had a long phone chit- chat with a friend, ironed the clothes and embroided a little.... but I cried from time to time. I felt tired.
After work Andrea went to the swimming pool and then he went to the grocery store and came back home. It was past 8pm.
He went to the kitchen and closed the door.... after some 40mins... he came out with this delicious dinner: toasted bread cut in shapes (he used biscuits shapes of hearts and stars) with a small 'bundle' of prosciutto fulfilled with little balls of melon and tied together with chive.

Then a big salad and more melon (which I love). Oops I forgot the roasted peppers..... hummmmyh
It was a balm for my heart and spirit!

But isn't it wonderful that my heart melts down for a plate of good food and that it is so easy to get relieved by those generous acts?
Isn't it silly to spend so much energies to be worried and angry?
Would it be easier to be open to the events of life and just let it be?
I should always remember, always, also during my PMS, that God has the power and Love is the solution.

...snakes....

I think my collegues and I will go to watch this movie once in Italy:-) considered what happened in our Airport

Snakes on a plane

Contour line.

So now.... I keep on logging in to my blog, wanting to write something but I often find my head empty like if none of my thoughts are ready to get fixed on the 'paper'.
I always pictured me and my life as a contour-line in shape of my body and inside all different colours and nuances all mixed together... all the colours enters throught the senses... through my nose, eyes, hears, touch and taste and then my mind elaborates them and give them a place into the contour.
There are periods in my life in which the disorders reigns... all colours floats around not knowing where to go and what kind of pictures they will represent, and the disorder is not a bad thing because it means there's a lot of ferment inside. It means there are a lot of experiences and thoughts and feelings inside.
But after a while there's this need in me, this urge to give a sense to all this colourful 'thing' and so I take my time to rearrange everything and give a sense to all .... so that the colours can go and draw the pictures I'd like. It's like a puzzle.

In those days I'm in the middle of this big caos thing... it's like an house after you moved. All boxes open with different items in it... and even if you wrote the contained on every boxes you don't know exactly every item is in it.
I am into the 'elaborating' period....
I think I'm living a crucial moment of my life and I'm selecting friends, emotions, 'meanings' and feelings and it will mean a lot for my future.

I feel very lucky. I feel full of colours. I feel full of hope.
I'm blessed because I have special persons around me. I'm blessed because I had special friends around me. I'm blessed because I have a family...a crazy one but still a sort of family. I'm blessed because I have Andrea, I'm blessed because I have faith, I'm blessed because I'm sensitive, because I have a roof on my head and because I don't live in a country of war....

So now, even if I know I have to prepare a lot of things for the wedding and even if I'd like to invite millions of people and I can't do it... even if we should book for the honeymoon and even if I have to know how to do with my garden and with Monocolo while I'll be out... all those things added together makes me tired.
Meanwhile... there's also a part of my worries headed toward my job situation. The contracts ends on september 30th and while in my honeymoon I'll call the job to know if I'll have to go back to work or if I will stay jobless again... and if I'll be jobless then I'll stay on my honeymoon for some more days.

Tomorrow there will be a birthday party here at my house... we organize a surprise party for Silvia... but my digital camera is broken and won't be able to post any pictures:-(

Update of the update!

.... it's a long time I don't write in here... but it looks like I don't have any spare time.
By the way, what's up? Well as you all know Italy won the World Soccer Cup and I ensure you that this is not a minor issue. Here the whole Nation stopped for a couple of days and flags and parties were all around! It has been fun. Wish I had my digital camera with but... it just broke down and doesn't work at all. I took some pictures with my Nikon but I never find the time to develop the films. I hope to post some picture soon.

Then what? Andrea jumped with the parachute. His friend and best man paid for him a tandem-jump with the parachute. He always wished to do that and now he did it. He was super happy! Should have some pictures of this event too.

I had a nice time with Ester...we had a greek pita in the city center and talked on a bench for a couple of hours and then we enjoyed a good caffè at Terzi Café.

A couple of friends came with me to search for the wedding shoes. It has been fun being girlish for a whole day.... I now have wonderful shoes to wear on september 14th.

I had another wed-dress-try and I may have realized that it will be my wedding dress...meaning that I'm really getting married.

Yesterday Andrea and I enjoyed Pier Luigi (the Priest who'll marry us) for a short talk and were happy about that.

I'm still tired tired tired.

As to close this post.... I am tired but happy, happy, happy, happy... happy to have friends like those I have, happy to have special persons close to me and to have a super-husband-to-be.
I am happy. And I think this is cool!

Short update!

So now... where we've been up to?... Last week I went to Rome to try the wedding dress but there was only a lining of the dress and the trip was pretty much useless. The shop assistant showed me the most beautiful shoes I can wear under that dress but they were so expensive, I thought I can find something less beautiful but less expensive... by the way I'll probably never wear that white shoes again.
Then what? I came back to Bologna on Tuesday, worked Wednesday and Thursday, then back to Rome with Andrea and Monocolo... ready to attend Ary's wedding on Saturday.
Lots of weird feelings involved in this short 3 days vacation.
On Friday Claudia, Arianna and I all went to the hair-stylist...the same one who cut our hair since age 13...and it was weird to see all of us there again: older, different haircut... different colours...
...then the football game: Italy - Ukraina at Buko's. Lots of friends together enjoying the game. Party in the streets. Saturday was the wedding day. Stretchlimo, wedding dress, beautiful make-up, white cow-boy boots, me dressed up like a woman, dad showing Rome around and being fun for everybody, swimming pool... lots of faces... loved and less loved ones... music, food, Rome, good and bad friends, Andrea and I in love... happiness and gloom, fireworks, Bulgari's wedding rings and other diamonds ring into the champagne (to the bride).... lots of things in me.
Then back to Bologna. Back to my loved work...but tired. I realized I have to do a lot of things for the wedding. Need to print the invitation, do the bomboniere, talk to the flowerist, meet the priest some times, study for the honeymoon.
Meanwhile, my Fiat 500 (the car) is not alive anymore, it has been sqeezed in a bunch of metal thing. I took all my things out of that small car and I felt sad about it. Now I am really on my bike. Need to do a lot of errands and sounds like I always need some major mean of transportation... but I'll do it.
Italy-Germany was the match of the year... it has been great and we are all crazy for it. You should see the next day working for a Lufthansa flight, with the Captain shouting out of the cockpit window:'Vive la France'... and the workers wearing Italian flags.:-)

Then what?... nothing more, except that I really feel tired and need to rest but I have no spare time. Today is dentist day...ouch! ...and it rains.
Sunday (the final WorldCup game) I'll work from 4pm to midnight meaning I won't watch the game with my friends... the my parents and brother will come to visit for one night the 10th, then I'll leave to Rome on the 12th for another dress try... then.. will see next.

Uffa!

Ok, ok, ok... everything will turn out fine... always... at least hope is the last to die... or should be.
The car is definitively dead! Something in the engine is totally broken and can be repaired only by buying a new engine... which is crazy because it will cost me more than double the price of the car.
So once again I have to deal with the dependence on the modern comfort that should let us more free. At least I hope my spirit will be moulded so to be wiser after all.
I actually was hoping to use the car until october when I'll find out more about the job, so that if I will have a permanent contract then I could think about buying a new small car but if I won't have the contract or will be jobless again I won't be able to buy the car and maybe won't need it.
So here I am again with projects... but I think God is insisting on me so that I need to ultimately give my burdens to Him, and need to let go of desires, and something beautiful will happen.
So...back on the bike ride... but I also let you imagine the hot and humidity here in those days and how tiring it is to simply ride a couple of kilometers... but I'll do it, I'm strong and healthy and need to make some more sacrifices.

So next.... Job: from july first the company will transform my contract from part-time (25hours per week) to full time (40hours) that means extra money!!!!! And this is good. Of course since we are very few employees compared to the work we have to do, it's gonna be an hell throughout the all summer, but in this case money will win.

About Monocolo: looks like he's doing better, he has no diarrhea even if his coat it's not at the best. He'll come to Rome with us next thursday.

What else? Ah Arianna's wedding on july 1st. I'll be the witness at her ceremony so do you think I found a dress for the occasion? No of course! I'm pooped! I went around and I don't like the fashion of the moment + it looks like all women are skinny (only very small sizes) and breastless not to mention the prices.... so I don't know what to wear...+ I have this 'working tan' which looks like I wear a t-shirt also without it:-) I'm a little desperate.

If this is not enough, I still have to finish a lot of things related to my wedding...
But the good news is that the priest who taught us the pre-wedding course accepted to celebrate our wedding and I know for sure this will be an added blessing. He is fun and simply and this is what we like.
This whole wedding experience and expecially the spiritual one is really thrilling me. Even if Andrea and I are already living together and know each other pretty well (as well as it is possible to 'know' your dear ones) and most of the people keep telling us that it won't change a lot... well, I think it will change a lot. The commitments we are going to promise are big and they really involve each other will and love. I am happy and proud and enthusiastic for what we are going to do!

Not a good day.

So here we are with the news...
1) my Super500 decided to shut down 3 days ago in front of the gym. It did not start up again. The day after I had to call the breakdown van to take the car to the garage and see what's wrong. Since my insurance is the basic one it does not cover the breakdown van, nor any kind of repair and the car is some 13 years old so there's no guarantee.
The garage called me today. The guy was very gentle and was talking to me like if he had to tell me about the death of a dear person. He kindly told me that he had bad news to give me... that only to estimate the demage it will cost me around 130,00€ and then, he may find something really serious that will cost (at the very best of my luck) some more 150,00€.
Just to let you know, 3 weeks ago I spent €234,00 to test it for the pollution smokes.
So, if I stop now I will have to pay the breakdown van (€100,00) plus a partial estimate the guy has already done and the dismiss of the car... and then I'll be without a car and won't be able to go shopping for food or such. I'm good with my bike...I go everywhere I can with it but cannot load it with too much things. So I talked to Andrea and to my mom and sound like I'm the only one who doesn't want to spend money for the repairing... so I told the guy to go ahead with the estimate and then we'll see.

2) Back into the loosing-job-loop. The company I work for just lost the assistance to Alitalia flights: 8 daily flights. And everybody is already talking of excess of workers and about laying off employees... and guess who's gonna be the first? Still those with seasonal short-term contracts.
That makes me feel horrible.
I know some of you think that this is not the right job for me...that I need a more creative one but... I'll tell you: I really love this job. There's that mix of human exchange and challenge and problem solving and coolness and stamina and teamwork that makes me really feel good!
So now I work with every flights like if it is the last one... the ramp agent duties and the push back operation (which is one of the cool think of my job) all performed at my best... but with this guillotine is always over my head.

3) Monocolo is not doing great. He has diarrea and his coat is dry and he's not active like always. We dewormed him 2 times this year and I don't understand where he can get all those worms (if it is that....). So, I called the vet and she won't be here before monday. Let's hope for the best.

But there's a good news:

• Pre-wedding Church course! Today is the second last class and I'm sorry it will finish. The priest that teaches those lesson is fantastic and I'm so happy to get married that I'm really looking forward the celebration of that day. I see things with a different perspective... always more challenging. This thing makes me feel like all the above written 'bad'-news are nothing really important because I can do it, whatever it happens.

Lesson for me: keep smiling as much as I can. There's a solution for everything and God will show me some way....some time... hopefully soon... and money will fall from the sky... :-)

Week end in the sunny, colourful, chaotic South!

We had a hectic but beautiful week end. My cousins and their families (husband and children) and my family try to get together for one week end a year to explore some of the Italian Beauty. This time we decided to go south again. Two years ago we visited Paestum and Pompei , this time we decided to visit Oplontis and Ercolano .
It has not only been interesting and culturally invigorating but most of all it has been NOURISHING.
We could not have any idea of life during the Roman time if those places was not discovered.
The eruption of Vesuvius in 79 a. C. left everything right the way it was hours before it.
Of course it was a tragedy and a destroying event but what we can see in those sites is something that nourishes the soul and the senses.
I can't describe the feelings I had while admiring some fine mosaics and frescoes in the residential neighbourhood of Ercolano, where the blue of the sea and that of the rich lapislazuli mosaic tessera are so similar.
This is something you can feel only by looking at it by person, and that is why I invite everybody to join the South of Italy and not only the touristic cities, where shops and cafè are only for tourists. The Campania Region is of a special beauty that you won't find in any other place. The culture of those places is a world heritage.
The sea, the colours of the earth, the smells and the food are fulfilling. Lemons and oranges are kings in this area. Lemons, lemons, lemons... absolute lemons... full lemon, with its shiny full-green and the blue of the beautiful sea. Can you smell it? Have you ever breath an air full of lemon-flowers scent? I couldn't imagine such a delicacy before my nose was able to taste it. Olives trees and coloured flowers, the original pizza and other simple tastes, mostly fish and fresh herbs and tomatoes and sweets... sweets, sweets, full of lemons and oranges and beautiful to look at. It has been a complete delight!
Not to mention the happiness of sharing those moments with my family.
Wish I had more words and expression to pass more of this special experience.
Come to visit with your own senses and souls.
...btw... everything is really cheaper down south, so this is another hint!

Airport stories part 2

... just to make it short... the aircraft with the special guest-snakes was in quarantine for a total of 2 days. After this scrupulous check to find the snakes the aircraft flew again and in the middle of one flight from point A to B, one of our little guest-friends showed off in the passenger's cabin. Result: Emergency landing in point C.
This is ridiculus that they made the aircraft fly after 2 days.:-(

Airport stories....

I arrived in the office around 5.00am and I am usually one of the first of the morning shift to arrive. The first thing I do is usually approaching the message board, so to prepare the flights I have to follow, to know if there are any special assistences or freight or such. And today there was a weird telex saying :
' REF. FLT XY0000/23 MAY
WE INFORM THAT AT ARRIVAL O/B XY0000/ 22 - A/C OKXFB - AFTER UNLOADING PASSENGERS BAGS FEW LITTLE SNAKES NOT POISONOUS RUN OUTSIDE FROM THEIR BOXES IN THE FORWARD CARGO HOLD STP
AT THE END AFTER COUNTING FIVE SNAKES WERE MISSING PROBABLY IN PAX CABIN/COCKPIT OR INSIDE TECHNICAL INSTRUMENTS STP
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU STP
PLS SEND ASAP INFORMATIONS FOR TOMORROW FLT
BRGDS// BLQ'
So now, can you imagine the guys who opened the hold to unload the baggage and found out it was crowded by more than a hundred snakes? And can you imagine that this morning somebody could get into the aircraft and find a little crawling surprise?
So there was a big mess in the airport. The flight was cancelled for passengers but the crew flew back home with the aircraft and its guests... but there was a slithering sensation on the air... and on the ground. :-)

PS. I found the original telex, so I updated it. Just in case you don't know: O/B= on board or A/C= aircraft.

Family

Andrea in piscina a Pentolina ridotta
Originally uploaded by margiana.

It is so complicated to discuss about the concept of 'family' sometimes and emotionally touching.
I often think about my family and the relationship with each member is dense but difficult. It is all about ties and boundaries and anxiety and limitations and Love and belonging and pride and pity...and... a lot more.
It is frustrating but at the same time this is what makes me proud of being who I am.
It's my family! It's where all the bad things can be cancelled in a real second, exactly like the good one.... and the rise and the fall depend mostly on a gesture, a word a move of the head, a kiss, a caress...
And thinking about my family I imagine how I'd like my own one. What kind of family will I be able to deal with? What kind of parent will I be? Will I do a lot of mistakes or will I be fine? Will I be able to pursue a project of family with Andrea or will we fail? Of course only time will tell.
I usually don't think about other's family a lot.
It is such an intimate part of a person's life that I don't imagine or judge or such. I love to listen to family stories but never really ask.
Yesterday there was a party at Giorgio's (Andrea's older brother) to celebrate Matilde's second b-day (Andrea nice).
Giorgio and Linda live in a beautiful house on the hills around Bologna.
I went there late, arriving around 3. I worked from 6.30am to 2.30pm and it was very very hot. I had just the time to take a quick shower, pick my Supercar and 'flew' to the party.
There I found different people with different 'pockets' and manners. I ate something (how could I miss this part of the party) and laid on the swimming-pool bed to watch the world go by.
Giorgio, Paolo (the oldest brother), Andrea and Marco (Paolo's son) decided to jump in the swimming poll to get the first bath of the season! They were there, playing with the ball...all similar in shapes and expression...lighthearted and ... it suddenly came out this family picture in my mind.
They are bond together, apparently only because of the genes but deeply because of the family ties.... They are a family. No Mom or Dad to talk to them but surely there to watch over them.
The Canova's Family. Four boys from 23 to almost 50 years old playing with a ball in a swimming pool on a Sunday afternoon...just like a bunch of kids invited to a 2 years old b-day party.
I slowly fell in a soft sleep, caressed by the breeze and rocked by the voices of the kids.... of a family.

Lots of things done!

Andrea and I went to Rome for 3 days. I choose the wedding dress, and booked the restaurant. Lots of parents's money will be 'eaten' by the italian wedding tradition, even if I don't care a damn. I feel like I'm floating on the hands of traditional things. But I can see they are very happy. So I'll follow their wishes (for once).
Sorry I'm not posting a lot lately but I felt a little too tired.
Gotta go now... too busy.

Night's scent

Have you ever notice that at night the flowers smell more?
It's midnight and I just got back from work where the odours are horrible. I usually smell only fuel and exhaust of the means needed to push-back the aircrafts or to offload the baggage.
I finished work and took my bike to ride back home. It is a short way home,... some 1600 meters throught fields of wheat, salads, corn. But everywhere around there are flowers. The farmers usually have beautiful flowers around the fields; I think they are so much in contact with mother nature that appreciate the beauty of it.
Riding my bike at midnight with stars and the moon above, coming out of a noisy and bad smelling place, I dive into another world, where the noises are those of small animals, birds, and plants and the smell is king. Smell of wisterias, of liliac, acacia and others I can't recognise.
And a dog runs next to me following the fence of 'his' field... watching me... to let me know we are not alone.
Goodnight!

Pregnant friends!

Preggy Amanda
Originally uploaded by margiana.

So this is the time of blooming and blossoming... and sounds like a lot of friends are pregnant! Of course it is the age issue... You know there are those periods in which all your friends get engaged, then... all your friends get married, then... all your friends get pregnant. This is the pregnant period. My friend Jenny is pregnant of the second boy, Irene has a couple of twins in her small belly (male and female), Michela is almost done with a (I already know) beautiful baby girl, and also Amanda has a belly growing.
It is so encouraging to know that a lot of couples are giving birth since in Italy there's this rate 0 of growth.

Amanda and I had lunch together and then had a walk in the city center during her lunch break. We enjoyed a beautiful spring early afternoon and had fun together. She's so happy with her belly:-)
Happy big belly to all!

Mono and his love for the toilet paper

Mono divora-rotolo-cartaigienica
Originally uploaded by margiana.

This is what happens when Germana wakes up early on Saturday or Sunday to go to work and the boys stay home to sleep and play.
Andrea and Monocolo enjoy being together so not to listen to my 'don't do this!' thing.
So, once I got home from work I found the beloved (from Monocolo) toilet paper reduced in small small pieces, almost snow-like, and Andrea who documented with pictures the whole sequence of the distruction. He was still laughing when I came back home. So... isn't it silly? An adult taking pictures of a crazy cat who destroys a toilet-paper roll?...
I don't want to think about if I will ever have children:-)

Beautiful wedding!

Brindisi
Originally uploaded by margiana.

Last Sunday Andrea and I attended Sandro and Rita wedding!
It has been a very touching ceremony. The priest said beautiful things. He said he had to give them a bad news: It is hard, very hard! And the whole mass was based upon this concept. It is hard to bring on a relationship... but as soon as we commit to our beloved and are willing to communicate and exchange and share a whole life with him/her, than things are beautiful. Well, there are thousands of things he said that I am not able to reproduce here as he did. But I cried and laugh loud several times. It has been really inspiring!
Then we went to a beautiful villa for the lunch... and later had the cake in the garden. The day was gorgeous and everything went up fine. I was so happy for them.
As for me... well, tomorrow Andrea and I are gonna 'promise our marriage' in the city hall. This is nothing of a special importance but I feel excited!

Post-Easter effects

Last week was a busy week, working early shift at the airport, going to the free-trial-gym and working in the afternoon at the pool and maintain a family armony and a almost clean house. Wow girl, it is hard! And I don't have children. I don't know if I want to figuire it out!
By the way, the last 3 days have been really crazy. Saturday after the work (finished at 10.15am) Andrea and I went shopping, to search for a small weird tool we need to fix the shower-box that is still broken. And we were around until 5pm.... without finding the tool.
Back home I started cooking and finished the pastiera napoletana around 11pm. Went to bed for 5 hours and on Sunday went to work. Once back home I prepared the table and finished cooking. At 1pm Patrizia and Fabiola came over and brought their wonderful dishes. We had a nice and good dinner together, all far from each other's family but yet a family. I love those feelings.
Then my brother and his girlfriend arrived for a short visit and stayed until Monday afternoon. On Monday we had a walk in the city centre and enjoyed the empty city.

Those are the good feelings.... but of course there are some bad too.
I invited Arianna and Claudia and partners over for Easter dinner and they did not said if they were coming or not until Saturday afternoon... and the excuse was they were going to have a bbq somewhere over the hills. Then on Sunday they had a lunch at Arianna's saying they did not want to go out anymore. I just let you notice, she's my nextdoor neighbor. And that is silly, and I don't like silly things.
Last thing, I got into an argument with Silvia (my brother's girlfriend) about her being vegan... so after all I felt sorry because I saw her and my brother hurt by my words, and also felt frustrated because I did not accomplish anything if not putting walls around me.
In all those things I lost the sense of Easter, I did not concentrate enough on the real meaning and the real symbolism of it. So I feel even more frustrated.
Hope the week will be better.

Ch- Ch- Ch- Change!

The Unione won the italian election. I'm happy for it even if I'm disappointed by the short distance victory. I thought Italy was really tired of the Bug-Berlusconi... but it's not like this.
I'm happy though.
I hope and pray that l'Unione will be able to govern for longtime. I only hope they will understand that Italy is a country split in 2... and this is a matter of fact that cannot be ignored.

Election day

...today and tomorrow is election day here in Italy... and I'm really praying some change will happen. Think of us.
Tomorrow another demonstration of workers 10am-12.30. Let's see what will happen.:-)

Demostration of workers

I'm sorry to bring on the social-political arguments but, I think there are some points to think about lately.
Today there was a demonstration of workers at the airport from 8 to 11am. I work at 3pm so I went. The demonstration is a protest against Aviapartner, one of the 3 handling companies in the Bologna airport, that will close it's office here in Bologna leaving jobless some 70 workers: check-in agents, weight and balance agents, ramp agents and loading teams. The offices will be closed in days and still nobody knows where those 70 people will go.
Now the thing is that the Airlines they give service to will keep on fly from and to Bologna Airport, so that somebody will have to give services to them. Aviapartner serves KLM, Airfrance, Malev, Spanair and other charter airlines... meaning a good slice of the traffic in this airport. At today we still don't know if Marconi Handling (the one I work for) or Bas (the other handling companies in the airport) will gain those airlines meaning they will also need more employees to give the right services = they will hire those 70 jobless left home by Aviapartner.
So we protested with slogans, whistles and billboards. We were not more than a hundred and we were allowed only to protest and not stop flights or such... we just wanted to inform passengers and public opinion of what it's happening in the airport.
Usually passengers complain about long lines, lost baggages, poor services and delays, but sounds like they don't know that if there are only 2 check-in agents to check-in 200 passengers in 2 hours, and if passengers arrive 1 hour prior departure, it is really difficult that the flight will be able to leave in perfect time and that all baggages (that have to go throught the security checks and x-ray and then sorted out over different carts and then all the way to the aircraft and loaded over it) will get into the right aircraft. It is stupid to think that everything can work perfectly with few workers doing the job of a lot others left home.
So I was distributing leaflets to the passengers standing in line for the Airfrance check-in with a big smile, trying to explain our presence there. We were not stopping the check-in... we were just shouting slogans... when a woman crumpled up the leaflets I just gave her and throw it to me shouting that I had to go clean my ass with it... and that she has been waiting 3 years for this flight and that I am an asshole who is disturbing her vacation. Of course I was shaken but I calmly replied her that it was more than 3 years that I do not take a vacation and that I was simply trying to let her know what it is happening to 70 persons who have families and will be jobless in some days... and then the tension rised and other collegues started yelling at her and she yelling at them and a big caos came out of it... I just tried to tell her I wanted her solidarity and that being jobless it's nothing to wish for and that we were there protesting for a future better service for her and other passengers but she replied I have to go to manure a field because this is the only thing that parassites like us are worth for.
I did not replied except for 'I wish you miss your vacation for other 3 years' phrase that skipped out loud from my month.
Now the thing is: I am not in the 70 who will be jobless in days and some of them will probably be hired by Marconi handling meaning that, since I still have a short term contract, I may be left home at the end of my contract because they will take 'my place' and those of other 40some seasonal workers like me. But I was there protesting because I think that it is my duty to do so... because I know what it is to be jobless and because nobody should suffer this condition.
I give simpathy to those who have less and I wish I could protest against unequity more often.
But I tell you... that lady yelling at me and looking at me like if I was a shit really hurted me. It is so unbelievable to me to understand that people around me does not shows any solidarity to us but wish for us the worst.
After the intervention of the police and other verbal accuses flying around, the protest finished at 11 and I took my bike back home. Of course I was crying... but the thing that I don't know how to fight is this sense of defeat, of being left to ones chances... sense of being alone, lonely in this big world... where loving persons should live together to SHARE this humanity, to joy for the gift of life we received and to join together for a better life. And yet only bad words and hate and indifference and apathy surrounds me.
I believe we can change this attitude, I believe I can live in a better world, I believe another world is possible... I only need the strenght to fight for it.
... but it is this 'fight' word I don't want to use... is this building differences I don't think it's right.

Political elections???

I'm really into the elections in those days and I also read a bunch of foreigners articles and stuff but still can't come out on why so many italians are still willing to vote this warmonger and moron. The italian media of course do not speak the truth (Berlusconi owns 'em) and when I read the foreigners article I wish they could be all translated in a second and be read by italians. Kathy sent me one of the article in this section of The Guardian and then I kept reading all. Two days ago Berlusconi said "I have too much respect for the Italians to think there are that many dickheads around who'd vote against their own interests."... coglioni, he said coglioni...which is yes dickheads but has a more vulgar meaning. So now there's a new people movement exploding through the streets and around: Coglioni, no orgoglioni(something that means proud to be coglioni). It's so much alike the Commedia dell'Arte! But this is too much of a compliment.

Energies!

Tulips and viole
Originally uploaded by margiana.

I have plenty of energies in those days. It may be the Spring with all the blooming and blossoms... it may be the job that gives me some sort of adrenalin... it may just be me who saved energies for so long and now would like to explode. It is like if I don't know how to contain it.
From the 1st of april that I start working I always did the 5.15am shift, meaning that at 10.30am I finished working and had time to do all the rest. Yesterday for example I worked from 5.15 to 11am, went to the post office and then to the bank, came back home and Fabiola was waiting for me getting tanned on my garden bed... I prepared the bag to go to the gym (there's a brand new gym near my house and it's free for the whole week). We went there and spent 1 hour there pushing and pulling and jogging and stuff. Back home, ate something and then went to the Swimming Pool. Came back home at 8.30pm, cooked something and saw the 'political fight' on tv.
Then fell in bed at 10.30. A marathon!
Today I have the late shift 7pm-midnight.. and it is a shift I usually don't like but it's part time and I can do it! I made some gardening and now have to do other millions things.
I should stop some day soon... as for now I keep going as much as possible:-)

New start.

A brand new start! After 6 months I don't remember how to do my job anymore. I had to make some traning (2 days -10 hours) and still did not go through all the 'operative communications'. I need more training but they won't allow me to have it because they need ramp agents under flights. The thing is: I need this training for the safety and punctuality and good service of the flights... but sounds like this is only my need. They do not care.

I have been very happy to hug and kiss and receive welcomes from collegues but my biggest satisfation is receiving hugs and big smiles by the workers of the loading team. They are all foreigners who work underpayed and with horrible contracts so not to have the health care, and yet they are those exposed to a higher rate of accident at work considering they work in holds moving baggages and freight with the heat of the summer and the cold of the winter.
They are the 'last wheel' of the airport gear and yet the most important (an aircraft can leave without a ramp agent but not without a load-team) and I'm proud to know they thought of me in those months.
Of course I'm not feeling comfortable in there. I feel I'm not independent right now (I'll probably need a week more) and I have bad feelings toward the company (how can I:-)) and toward those who did not show any simpathy for 'our' (meaning us who were laid at home) situation. Not a strike has been held, not a single protest. The egoism pervades our society. There's no solidarity. The social situation in Italy is pretty depressing at the moment and we all care for our small and empty pockets but I don't understand why in those situation we don't get together and start to build things from the foundations.
I won't have answers at it, and I hope in a week (the 9th-10th of april we vote for the political elections) there will be some political changes but I hope there'll be a social change too.
Too depressing? :-(

New contract!

Yahoooooo! I just got back from the airport where I signed my 8th short term contract!
6 more months.
After acting icy with the chief of personnel, I went to the office where WE ramp agents are in between flights. I found some collegues and some guys of the team of load and unload of baggages who greeted me happily. :-)
I also changed some shifts so to have more chaces to work at the pool.
I came back and called the vet to know how Monocolo's 'poo-exams' were and... he has parassites but nothing serious... so we're gonna give him drugs and we're going to fix it soon.:-)
Last but not least...the cherry tree is blooming... and it is such a magical thing to me.
I may have some Samurai anchestor.
I have a big smile on my face... and the sun enlights it!

Garden relax and good food!

It's so good to know that Spring is arriving! I love the desire to spend more time outside. The body simply need it, the contact with fresh air, with sun and colours.
Yesterday morning we woke up a little late and I cooked pancakes, strawberry with lemon (first of the season... made a wish!) and croissants.
I love big breakfasts but for our habits it was more a brunch than a breakfast.
We relaxed in the garden and talked about how to fix this and that in the house and of other projects. Then we read and enjoyed our flowers and their smell and the birds singing.
I worked on the computer then read again and around 6pm we started getting hungry.
I decided I wanted to try new veggie things. It turned out a great dinner with felafel with tomato sauce (I did not fried 'em), and 'basket' of mushrooms with yoghurt.
Since the dinner was almost cholesterol free I thought a good mascarpone dessert could compensate the loss... I was totally full but feeling so good. I really love cooking!
Today we went at Giorgio's (Andrea's brother) to celebrate his b-day. I thought it was a 'family lunch' but it turned out a spring-party with lots of so-called-friends to enjoy the beautiful home and 'park'..but above all... the tons of food. It was a buffet all-day-long-all-u-can-eat-lunch full of pizzette and tramezzini and sandwiches and sweets and salts....
I enjoyed a long conversation with Antonella [Paolo's (Andrea's brother) partner] on the swimming pool border facing the sun for over an hour. :-)
After this food-marathon we arrived at home and Arianna was coming back from Rome. So to fill an improbable empty space of our stomach she brought some 'roman pizza' and my beloved supplì (I don't know why they always put some sort of meat or prosciutto in the recipe...but there's no meat in the original recipe)... so I did not eat the supplì yet...but I think I must eat it before tomorrow. Eventually tomorrow it's Monday and it's a good day to start a diet... hopefully longer than a couple of days:-)

April fool?

Chiamata da apt 21.03.2006
Originally uploaded by margiana.

This morning Mauro (ex collegue) and I attended our jobless-support-breakfast in the Sala Borsa, the public library.
We talked about our social frustrations and wishes for the future, and as always it is not a negative event but a very motivating and supporting meeting.
Last night my ex-collegue-friend-unionist Mirko called me with a broken voice to tell me the company finally made an agreement with the unions so that we'll be hired for another short term and part time contract and if the winter schedule is consolidated then... we're gonna get a permanent contract.
So when the personnel manager called me to ask if I wanted to come back, I said yes acting snobbish with the voice but eyes and face were simply happy!
Mauro took this picture of me on the phone with the personnel manager.
Sounds like on April 1st I'll be back to work... mmmmmmmm isn't it April Fool's Day?

Friends visiting... heart rejoicing!

So here I am again. It has been a busy week and today I'll simply relax:-)
My mom's surgery went great and after spending almost a week at her sister's home, yesterday she went back home. I took the train back to Bologna on Thursday so to be here around 7.30pm and at 8 there was a 'unionist assembly' for the 'airport affair':-): Things get complicated but for the end of march I'll defenetly know if there will be chances to get back to my job or quit it forever!
On Friday morning I picked up at the station my friend Nadia who was attending a seminar on her research on alimentary disorders in Modena.
While working in the swimming pool she went shopping and at night we had dinner at home with Arianna and Guido too. Then Alessandro (Nadia's boyfriend and superfriend of mine) arrived from London (where they live) to join us for the week end.
I was very happy to see Alessandro. It was 3 years we didn't meet and it is so refreshing to me to spend some time with him. He and I have been like brother and sister in the years of university and then. We worked together in a fast food and in the summer of who remembers exactly when I was a bartender in his family's hotel in Lorica (Calabria). I know his whole family and I'm friend with his 2 sisters and a brother and love his parents.
So it has been so good for my spirit to share some time with him and his girlfriend!
We had a walk in the city center and on Saturday night we had dinner all together (Ary+Guido+Claudia+Gianfranco+ "the always in the middle" Michele) in a restaurant Andrea and I really don't like:-( I was very happy not to be involved in any serious argument or discussion since the table was very crowded and 'divided' in various topics.... so it was not very stressing.
Yesterday we left Alessandro e Nadia at the airport ( where I usually feel sad just because it is the airport)... and when we left I had a tear of melanchony falling down on my cheek. I wish I could spend more time with those I love to be with!... and yet they are all so far away!
Then once at home I saw there was mail. My lovely guardian angel Francesca sent me my 'fortune 3 dolphins ring' I gave her to repair.

The envelope was a big package with a lot of paper and things inside... but the core was my ring enveloped by a paper with a note on it: I LOVE YOU.

Elections, quarrels and other conflicts

And it's said that you can live your life as you want to!... but it is not possible. Except for personal choices of religion and beliefs, society and its gears are vital to our Being.
In these days we are in the middle of the political campain for the election and I notice this spreads the seeds of rage and of competition in the everyday life.
I can see a lot of people wanting to 'fight' for their party. Seeking for the chance of a fight...verbal or phisical.
The same is for me... As soon as I see Mr. B.'s face in the electoral's posters I sense the vomit and I get ragist when I speak with people (also friends and dad) about everything that involves the electoral programs.
This negative feeling is, of course, helped to stay so by my personal experience and frustrations. So, I shut the tv down (as my friend Kathy told me) and I found some help in that, but still...reading italian and international political and social issue on the web... brings me a mix of tears and rage and depression I shouldn't deal with.
Moreover 2 days ago was a perfect spring day, yesterday was snowing and today it's sunny again, but really windy and cold. And this changing seasons don't help my moods.
I was looking to spend a week in Rome leaving last friday to come back on thursday, but I couldn't find a substitute at the swimming pool for this afternoon and my mom's gonna undergo a surgery tomorrow, so I'll leave tonight by train and will be in Rome after midnight.
Even if I'm jobless... I can't do whatever I want:-)
I sense the week ahead it'll be a little busy... considering also that on Friday my friend Alessandro and his girlfriend are visiting from London for the week end, and will have to undergo all the social activities as... going out for dinner and interact with people (of the opposite political party!)

More flowers

Crocus ciliegio
Originally uploaded by margiana.

.... More flowers bloom in my garden. This crocus just popped out a couple of days ago under the cherry tree.
Everything makes me think of springtime and brings me back to the feelings I usually have in this season but.... this year is different.It's like today: the sun shines but it's cold and the clouds have been white and fluffy on a blue sky until half an hour ago.. now a grey big cloud is darkening everything. So this is my mood... changing and changing and changing all over again and again. A multitude of colours pass through my days with no nuances...only pure colours.. but still I can't see the whole picture. Hope to see it soon.

That's enough!

It's true... I need money, but I can't go on like this.
Today I'm really pissed off. (sorry).
I went to the stinky job (I'm going there only 3 days a week for 5 hours each time) and during the 10 minutes break I talked to 'Desperate-Collegue' and he told me that today was his last day. I congratulated 'cause maybe he found something better but NO! NO! He did not found another job... he has been... let's say.... FIRED! Fired it's not the proper word because the work contracts are tricks. They cannot fire us because the contracts we all signed identify us like free lance, so they only wait our contracts to expire and then they (let's say) let you go! Ops... of course they told Desperate-collegue about this 3 days ago.
So the clue for this last news is that next week are going to be the last 3 days at work at the stinky job and hoops, I'm going to tell them I'll quit right the last day of work.
It won't change anything since another desperate will be there to take my place right the very next day. But at least I won't feel such a slave!
On the other side I'll be poorer... but it doesn't change much... from poor to poorer it's not a great change.

P.S. Still have to talk to Andrea about this but... I'm sure he'll volunteer for extra hours at work:-)

Gotta go to the swimming-pool... I like this job:-)

Springtime?

Primule
Originally uploaded by margiana.

Yesterday was really a spring day. It was brisk, but the sun was shining and everything started looking great. I love those days in which is great to work in the garden...
But then, in the afternoon it all turned grey and winter came again... and today is raining hard.
But I'm not in a too-bad-mood... I can see a sort of light at the end. Hope I'm not dreaming up.

Acceptance

"Acceptance is like knowing there will be ants at the picnic. It is acknowledgment that there are needs and circumstances other than your own. By making this acknoledgment you are empowered to develop a strategy for your protection without stepping on the needs of others. Without the emotional charge of anger, fear, and victimization, it is easy to accept the reality of your life. By accepting what is, you become keenly aware of what isn't. When you know what isn't, you can begin to determine what you must do. Acceptance also requires a great deal of trust, and even more patience. You must trust yourself enough to know that you will make the right choices. You must trust that the universe will provide you with every single thing you need in order to accomplish what you set out to do. You must accept that what you want to do may not be an easy task which means you must be patient with yourself. Be patient when you get angry or afraid. Be patient when you are tempted to lie to yourself and not accept the truth. Be patient when it seems things are not going the right and may never be right again. Accept that what is yours will come to you in the right way at just the right moment. Patiently acknowledge and accept that what is not for you is not for you, no matter what you choose to tell yourself. Ants do not get discouraged when they climb onto the picnic table, only to discover that all your goodies are covered with aluminum foil. They crawl back down and patiently wait around the table legs until you drop your plate." One Day My Soul Just Opened Up - Iyanla Vanzant

Modern slaves

I know a lot of you are not into the italian political situation... but you read a little of what it is happening in Italy through my jobless story... so, just to show you I'm not the only jobless freak I leave you this to read Modern slaves. In the italian version I also posted a comment last night and now there are more than 800.
I'm seriously worried about the elections.
Gotta run to the stinky place and work for 5.30 € per hour with a Co. Co. Pro contract.

It's raining!

Not in a good mood.
-It is raining.
-I received the salary at the stinky job and it is almost sufficient only to buy a parfume for the s
Stinky Guy.
-I got home and found an IKEA letter in the box... telling me that I am not what they're looking for.
-I need to iron a mountain of clothes....

The only good thing for today is that the first crocus of the season is born!

Munich

Last Saturday we enjoyed a little relaxation. I prepared the garden for the springtime works while Andrea was repairing some of the million things that still have to be fixed in our small nest. In the afternoon we went to a café for a cappuccino and shared some quality time together.. then we decided that it is really too long we don't have dinner in a restaurant .. so we went to a pizzeria. We also bought tickets for Munich the last Spielger's movie.
It must be this period of my life that brings me tears so often but I was pretty much shaked by the movie. I knew what the movie was going to be about and the whole story.
It's not the plot or the settings that touched me but the human aspect of all this.
I still am not able to understand that kind of hate between races and religions. Not at this extreme. But all it has happened in the last 40-something years, and that is happening now and will probably happen for more years to come, brings me there. It is not only possible to hate because of races and religions but it is basic for the survival of the national identity and for the concept of one's coutry.
I may not be cultural and historically prepared to analyse those issues but the thing that brings me down is that nothing has changed in the fight between Palestinian and Jews. Looks like there is no hope.
I once read an interesting book about it The Best of Enemies , that I suggest to anyone interested in the topic. At the end there was a trace of hope for peace.
That was before the Second Intifada.

Postcards around the world....

Hey hey...Postcrossing is working... My postcard arrived in Finland in 2 days... Wow, I shouldn't complain about the italian post service Poste !! I'm only looking forward to receive one. It is soooo cool to get mail in the mailbox too:-) Try it!

Social Security

Just came back from the Social Security Office to apply for the unemployment benefit.
It is an experience! It is an experience to enter in the tall building, ask for information and receive always half of it! - "Go to the 4th floor and then ask." - "Thank you sir."
Step up until the 4th floor and then take the number and wait for your turn. I entered there at 10 and got out at 13. Meanwhile I had a look around. Most of my unemployed collegues where foreigners who did not know what to do. Nobody speaks their languages... most of them where from North Africa, Philippines and China. The only office-employee did speak an heavy slang from Naples. So there it is the global village where we started all speaking our own languages and trying to help each other out to understand how we had to fill the tons of forms needed to get the benefit. It is so incredible how we can all understand each other once in need. I was speaking italian and a very elementary french with a Moroccan Lady who needed help to fill the form for the maternity benefit and I also understand a Philippine guy who was trying to get his unemployment benefit since he was laid off from the cleaning company that works in the Fair District. By the way, in that place there were no differences.... teachers, shop-girls, office-workers, ramp-agent, cleaners, carpenters... no matter where we are from... no matter the colour or race or differences of histories and social extraction, we were the same... unemployed.
At the very end: I spent 3 hours of my life in an office crowded of unemployed people, feeling good for the help gave and received but depressed for the circumstance.
Then once back home I switched on the TV to watch the news (I'm trying to quit this habit and will succeed soon) and find the horrible, disgusting face of the italian number one ass Mr Berlusconi and some of his staff telling me that Italy has never been so rich than now and that the unemployment rate is very low....
And the sick thing is that people will vote for him.
I'm disgusted.

You know what? I'll go to the hair stylist to give a shape to my head... it's almost I year I don't go!!

Let's get married!

S. Francesca Romana
Originally uploaded by margiana.

We came back this morning at 2.00am from Rome, after a busy week end. We walked around Rome as tourists but... with a specific aim: looking for a church where to get married. After visiting several beautiful churches, dead tired of walking around we arrived at the roman forum from the Via Sacra -an original piece of ancient roman road that goes from the Colosseum to the roman forum- and there it was Santa Francesca Romana, the church in the picture. The view is breathtaking and the symbolism is absolute.
Everything was pointing out at the church.... inside it's not what we wanted, it's pretty dark and 'rich' but I think the location is right for 'our' special day.
I've never thought I would have cared about those things but...the 'roman pride' overwhelmed me, and the thought of a Symbol for our 'history' obsessed me in those days.
We fixed the date: September 14th.
We talked to the Benedictine who had the 'wedding calendar' and he inspired us a lot.
We are totally happy and excited and fearful and serene, and confused and a mix of millions of feelings.
Just wanted to share it.

Darth Vader....Sirman

Darth Vader6
Originally uploaded by margiana.

Here's a new friend of ours. Last night we had dinner at Giorgio (Andrea's brother) and they all gave Andrea one of his long awaited perfect present! A milk shaker. And I love it because it is used and it looks it has experienced the world! I really like the brand sign...
But the most delicious thing is the milk foam that comes out of it. It is perfect to start the day and look at it like a fluffy, pure, white cloud...yummiiii

We call it Darth Vader (from the helmet shape of it) and everytime we enter in the kitchen we sing ....da da dada da dada da dada Star Wars song.

Your personality is....

I like those tests because they feed my ego with 'ideals':-)
Hey... IKEA just called me for a selection on feb 7th . You know for what kind of position? Customer care!
If I win the selection the other problem will be: how to stay calm! I HATE CUSTOMERS, I HATE TRAVEL AGENCY CLIENTS, HATE PASSENGERS, and everything related to arrogant people who WANT U to be their servant and to tell them :'yes sir, you're right'!!!!
ooops... I'm sorry, didn't want to say all those horrible true things... by the way I'm a passionate, caring and unique person and expecially: 'the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.'... yes sure....

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test