Watch my back gal!
Originally uploaded by margiana.
It's late tonight... Andrea is sleeping in our bed and Gilda is asleep in my arms while I am watching TV.
The sound of her breath is comforting and so her constant touch.
Suddenly I feel in a dreamy world.... I see the images of the TV in the background but faded.... the only REAL sounds I hear are those of Andrea's heavy sleep, that of Monocolo snoring (who snores a lot louder than any other in the house) and Gilda's breath together with some sounds of her tongue moving like if she's sucking.
If it wasn't for those soft sounds, I could say that the time stopped for a while.
My senses are tense to savour everything that is making my life so special.
Andrea, this man I have shared the last 10 years with... in good and bad times... fighting and arguing over stupid and important things...
Monocolo, the half blind cat that cuddled my soul for 10 years already and still does...
..and now this little baby who is holding my heart while I hold her tiny body.
That is my wealth.
Tears flow from my eyes while I realize it. I am paralized. Everything around me spins vortically.
...and it hurts.
It hurts the fact that it's not even 13 months Gilda has been with me (in my womb first and now here)... and she already stolen my heart.
It hurts the fact that I am not able to express my love to Andrea for his support, love and for his specialty every single day we spend together...
It hurts that Monocolo doesn't want to be cuddled so much now that Gilda is in my arms and that he's getting older.
It hurts... that life passes by so quickly and I probably won't be able to express everything I feel...
I am happy....but this happiness is so painful. While I watch this scene, hundreds of swords pierce my body and I endure the pain.
Pain as Fear... for the first time Fear of losing all this...
and Fear as Knowledge... Knowledge that everything is so ephemeral and that I MUST live it as fully as possible.
Gilda gives an heavy sigh. She moves... and everything around me starts moving again. The momentum is gone. I am awake. It wasn't a dream. It is all so real true.
Andrea is sleeping,
Monocolo is snoring,
Gilda is growing,
I am feeling.
2 comments:
beautiful!
Being a Mama isn't so bad, yes? It is encouraging to read a person who knows how blessed they are.
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