The Journey

Flower power
Originally uploaded by margiana.

... every night, before falling into the dreamland, I would love to transform my thoughts in written words so that I could update my friends and loved ones on my everyday life... but the sleep catch me suddenly and the thoughts and desires just fade away without my will...
The update could be short if I tell you that Gilda is growing, she's now crawling and is already standing up by herself leaning on the sofa and looking superhappy for this new conquer. I could also tell you that she's a good girl, rarely crying and having good sleep and eating a lot....

But of course those are the thing that happen to most of her age collegues...so I guess I am not saying much also because I can't speak for her :-)

What I can say is that 7 months ago it was a life ago and I was still preparing the bags for this trip but, as the best trips I did in my life, I was not prepared at all.
Just like when Andrea and I left to Mexico... I had a guide, I prepared my backpack with some medicines, a couple of t-shirts and trousers, underwear and sunscreen... and a little copybook, and during the trip I found out that the fact that I did not organized anything allowed me to be surprised for every step I was taking.
Everyday is a surprise and I am a different person.
No matter how much I "worked" to mould myself as the image I had of myself for all those past years; no matter how much I wanted to stick with that image...it now always changes.
I am a sleepy woman and later a careful mama and then a healthy cook...later I struggle with pedagogy and build toys... I sing lullubies and while the baby sleeps I clean, iron, sew and read.
..and I am not Wonder Woman, I am just an ordinary mom.

But the most difficult part of this all, is not catching up with the things to do and the timing... but working on my emotions.
Emotions.
I do not care if the house is not clean or if the toys are on the way to the bathroom... but I must deal with this tempest of emotions that invade my contour line.
Gilda takes a special sigh every morning when she wakes up... a sigh that lets me know that she's ready for a new adventure... and that sigh gives a little shock to my heart because I would love to be ready to the new adventure with the same boldness she shows.
...and there we go.... a new day is born and so the space for a new discovery.
I often see the world from another perspective now. I find myself looking from the ground to the ceiling ... and this is something I've never did... and there everything is different.
...a touch, a smile, a sound, a look... it all makes me feel different.
In a way it's just like when you fall in love. Emotions overwhelm you and sometimes it's difficult to hold them.
I smile, cry, sigh, get angry... constantly...changing the order of these emotions but never losing one of them... I mix them and shake them inside of me... but these emotions and lot more are packed inside just like in a drink shaker.
I am lucky. I feel lucky. I have a lot of love and health.... and I am willing to travel without being too much organized... this leaves me space to experiences and emotions.. that won't ever be nice and happy but nevertheless experiences and emotions.

...and yes, I didn't want to transform this blog into a mama journal but I was another person and going trough another trip when I used to think like this... I now guess that I won't help if not posting news and pics about this new journey.