Denial

This morning I woke up with a strong headache, and a backpain and a pain in my hip. Of course, since I am 8 months pregnant it's all NORMAL, and I can't complain because something incredibly beautiful will come out of me.

Before showering I weighted myself and found out strange numbers appearing on the scale... numbers too high to relate to my actual weight. I stepped down the scale and back on it again but... there the numbers appearing again.

I tried to shower off those bad feelings by standing under hot water for almost 20 minutes... and once out of the shower I felt bad because I know I wasted so much water and energies that all the efforts I undertake during the year to save water and energies have just became useless.

After my breakfast I decided to depilate my legs and groin, and did that but then I found out that my enormous belly prevents me to look where I need in order to complete my task.
I started crying because I found myself so horrible and awkward and not self sufficient and such a burden...and I had to stop because the baby started kicking strongly. And then... I am pregnant after all, isn't it? I have hormones going up and down inside my blood, and that should have an effect on me.

My friend sent me some swaddle blankets and other beautiful things for princess Gilda... and I decided to go on Youtube to see how to swaddle babies... here in Italy I have never seen any baby swaddled. I don't know, we just don't use it.
Anyway, I was watching how to roll up this poor baby and on the sidebar on theright side of the screen appeared a "delivery a baby" thing.
I clicked on it and saw a 3 minutes shot of a delivery. At the end of it I just called Andrea screaming and crying and asking for a parental control on the PC because I don't want to go into those things anymore, even if I am an adult, aware and consenting... but NO, I don't want to deliver this baby.
It's horrible and scary and I know I knew it right from the start but.... why the heck should I?
Can I refuse? Can I use a teleportation machine? Please, someone help me contacting the Star Trek crew... they may have one of those somewhere!!!

Later I decided to lose my thoughts into cross stitch. I have to finish a bib I started months ago. Meanwhile I switched on the TV and there was an old episode of Sex and the City and I thought it could have been a good idea to watch something about girls who talk about sex and fashion but no... it was all about denial.
Miranda need a bigger house for her family and found the perfect home in Brooklyn, but she doesn't want to move in Brooklyn, she's a Manhattan girl!
Samantha has cancer and is losing her hair but a wag is not what she'll wear for the red carpet walk for his boyfriend's premiere.
Carrie doesn't think Samantha could actually die from cancer.... and so on.

Outside is still raining, I wish I could just go out for a long black coffee (even if I am not a coffee girl?) with a friend or... maybe a Manhattan?
But no, I'm pregnant and can't do those things. Will I be able to do that again? Or am I simply deny the fact that my life will totally change soon?
I am in denial today!