Waiting...

Grey rainy day again!
I woke up after a restless night, turning from one side to the other trying to find the right position for a belly full of liquid and inhabited by a baby.
I tried to do my best to infuse me a good mood.
I had the longest shower with the finest aromatherapy soap, oiled my belly at best.... and had my latte with a slice of sweet bread and some ricotta spread with homemade (mom) chestnut cream. This is one of my favourite thing.
I got on the computer to try to get back to my emails and stuff but... I feel empty.
Not really since my belly looks like it has to explode from one moment to another but empty in the sense that I am exhausted.
Tired physically and emotionally... just swinging from a feeling to another... from happiness to fear, a thousand time in a minute. I am just ready to pass to the next tiring stage.. to the moment in which I will be able to hold the little baby and be tired for the sleepless night and the aching nipples and the worries for everything. I just wish I could change my mood. I am not hungry but have to eat, I am not thirsty but have to drink, need to take the vitamins. I wish I could go out for a walk but it's damned grey and rainy and muddy everywhere, I feel ugly and fat, I don't want to watch television and the radio on Sunday is horrible.
I would love to read but then fall asleep, I need to embroider but then I get tired of it because it's a long thing to finish and can't see the end of it.
I am restless.
Grey rainy day pass away!

Snow!

After a sleepless night where I read the second-last edition of Internazionale, I decided to wake up from bed at 6.20. I took a sample of Monocolo's urine to test and Andrea took it to the vet hospital (everything under control... we're just checking how his kidney stones are doing!).
I took the longest hot shower possible. I had a cup of milk and bread with my mom's chestnuts cream on it. Checked the internet and went back to bed from 9 to 11. At 11 Andrea called me saying that it's snowing. Snowing????? I can't believe it. Yesterday it was such a glorious sunny day and today it is snowing? I rushed outside to cover the plants... and yes, it's snowing for real!
So I cooked a minestrone (vegetable soup) and had that warm looking out the window to the snow flakes coming down.
It's so good today to stay at home... warm and fuzzy.

Back to Rock 'n Roll!

The sun is shining again, my dad left to Rome and I feel good again!
Scared but good.
Yesterday I went to visit a labor room in the hospital near my home (which is not the one where I planned to deliver but... nobody knows.And I could clearly hear loud screams from the nearby rooms... I was almost fainting!
By the way... today is a Red Hot Chili Peppers day. Gilda is dancing!

Denial

This morning I woke up with a strong headache, and a backpain and a pain in my hip. Of course, since I am 8 months pregnant it's all NORMAL, and I can't complain because something incredibly beautiful will come out of me.

Before showering I weighted myself and found out strange numbers appearing on the scale... numbers too high to relate to my actual weight. I stepped down the scale and back on it again but... there the numbers appearing again.

I tried to shower off those bad feelings by standing under hot water for almost 20 minutes... and once out of the shower I felt bad because I know I wasted so much water and energies that all the efforts I undertake during the year to save water and energies have just became useless.

After my breakfast I decided to depilate my legs and groin, and did that but then I found out that my enormous belly prevents me to look where I need in order to complete my task.
I started crying because I found myself so horrible and awkward and not self sufficient and such a burden...and I had to stop because the baby started kicking strongly. And then... I am pregnant after all, isn't it? I have hormones going up and down inside my blood, and that should have an effect on me.

My friend sent me some swaddle blankets and other beautiful things for princess Gilda... and I decided to go on Youtube to see how to swaddle babies... here in Italy I have never seen any baby swaddled. I don't know, we just don't use it.
Anyway, I was watching how to roll up this poor baby and on the sidebar on theright side of the screen appeared a "delivery a baby" thing.
I clicked on it and saw a 3 minutes shot of a delivery. At the end of it I just called Andrea screaming and crying and asking for a parental control on the PC because I don't want to go into those things anymore, even if I am an adult, aware and consenting... but NO, I don't want to deliver this baby.
It's horrible and scary and I know I knew it right from the start but.... why the heck should I?
Can I refuse? Can I use a teleportation machine? Please, someone help me contacting the Star Trek crew... they may have one of those somewhere!!!

Later I decided to lose my thoughts into cross stitch. I have to finish a bib I started months ago. Meanwhile I switched on the TV and there was an old episode of Sex and the City and I thought it could have been a good idea to watch something about girls who talk about sex and fashion but no... it was all about denial.
Miranda need a bigger house for her family and found the perfect home in Brooklyn, but she doesn't want to move in Brooklyn, she's a Manhattan girl!
Samantha has cancer and is losing her hair but a wag is not what she'll wear for the red carpet walk for his boyfriend's premiere.
Carrie doesn't think Samantha could actually die from cancer.... and so on.

Outside is still raining, I wish I could just go out for a long black coffee (even if I am not a coffee girl?) with a friend or... maybe a Manhattan?
But no, I'm pregnant and can't do those things. Will I be able to do that again? Or am I simply deny the fact that my life will totally change soon?
I am in denial today!

Not Speaking in my name!

Even if I am not American I followed the campaign for the election of the US President as well as the election of Mr Obama. I listened to his speeches and I liked it a lot.
I heard him saying that US is still the Country where everything's possible and that

"Americans sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection
of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of
America"

I was very happy to hear a politician talking about Hope and Change... but also about higher ideals that can be applied to everyone without exceptions of race, gender, religion and so on... at the same time I felt an empty space in my heart because I soon realized that no Italian politician will ever be able to pronounce such speeches... not even to bring up issues regarding ideals or such. We are not united, we are not a People but single individuals fighting against who think and is different.

After all our PM Berlusconi did it again and has no shame for his "jokes".
There are a lot of Italians that do not feel represented by this moron and I am happy at least because I am not alone.