Free at last!

Ok... Dad left this morning... we left him at the train station at 8.40, his train had to leave at 9.03... actually he called me around 11.30 and was still in Firenze. Here the snow is stopping everything. Highway are somewhere closed, Milan airport closed, and people go crazy.. because snow is something that they can't control and have not many means to defend themself completely. So people get crazy. Moreover... Italy is running out of gas. Russia is cutting the supply of gas and the government asked to the Italians to drop of 1-2 C° the heater. Because here people have really high temperatures in their homes... so, that brings me directly to the last argument I had with my dad: the nuclear power. Italy has no nuclear power station after a public vote that decided so. But people like my dad do not agree... but I do and frictions leads to sparkles that lead to fire.... aarrgghhh...
By the way, the week finally ended and I hope I can get a little rest from the short free time I'm gonna have next week. Today Andrea and I went to help Patrizia to paint the walls of her apartment. It's so tiring but so rewarding.
Well... hope I'll find a little time to post more in the next day. I'm always in stand-by.

Out of order!

Sorry but I'll be out of order at least until the week end... My father is visiting, and I have no spare time at all... just looking forward Saturday!:-)

The 'new' slavery!

Slavery is still here with us... in our hypertechnological era, well-educated society. Is next to us. Your neighbor is a slave, your brother is a slave, your friend may be a slave.... and I'm not talking about slave of alcohol, drug, sex, videogames or such. I'm talking about the use of slaves to get work done!
I am a slave. I work for €5,30 gross per hour, and I have a shift of 10 hours 8-18. Hey! Of course I have a 10 minutes break every 2 hours and half an hour at lunch! But of course if I get up more than twice (excluded lunch break) everybody is very upset... and of course I can choose the days I want to work with a week in advance but... hey I am a slave!
I digit the name of thousands of people everyday, their monthly use of gas, water, and litter... those that are death, those who inherited the house, those who get married and those who lose their shelters... Of course I don't know their histories... but I can imagine.
I can play my mp3 and so I invent their lives! This is the only free thing.
Thanks God none of my living-hours are worth 5.30 euros minus taxes... but I need those money and there I work. And if I don't do this job, somebody else will do the same stinky job for me... Because there will always be a desperate like me in need of those darned 5.30€.
I shouldn't complain because this slavery keeps me employed and because I'm healthy and 'young'. This is not a complain but a statement on what our well-educated, generous and free society is producing. People that may be educated or may improve their education... people with energies and love to give and now slaves of tiredness, slaves of poorness, slaves of our own frustrations.
I understand now why poor people is usually poorly educated too: I come back home with an headache, after spending the whole day at work, probably eating only a sandwich lovingly prepared at home... I breath the other's smell: 20 individuals all packed up in a room with windows overlooking one of the most pollutted streets of Bologna. I arrive at home and the only feeling I have is that of having a shower to clean away all the 'dirty' of the working day. Need something to eat and need sleep. No lust for books anymore... no... "why don't we go to the theatre tonight".. no "what the heck is on tv tonight"...nothing.
But of course our Prime Minister Berlusconi is soooo happy because 1.270.000 new jobs have been created and the unemployment rate dropped from 9.4% to 7.5%... I guess they employed only center-right wing voters.

"One day my soul just opened up!"

Last night I was pretty tired also because I went to bed late, since I had to iron tons of clothes!
By the way, I have lots of books to be read next to my bed and I wanted to give a look at the one Jenny gave me for X-mas and read what I found out!:

"This book is dedicated to Ego,
that part of us that continues to worry,
lives in doubt,
is afraid,
judges other prople,
is afraid to trust,
needs proof,
believes only when it is convenient
fails to follow up, refuses to practice what it preaches,
needs to be rescued,
wants to be a victim,
beats up on "self",
needs to be right all of the time, and
continues to hold on to what does not work.
You are now put on notice that....
YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!"

.... and except for a couple of things.. I found out I am a total ego-centered!
Need to make some adjustments!
Gotta go to the stinky job!

Standby please!

This is me... lately... "Standby, please!"... I almost can hear the little voice telling this! But I have hope things will change...somehow, sometime!

Same day as...

Same day as yesterday... same things, same shitty stink!

The slight but significative difference was concentrated mainly in the early morning. Faby and Patty picked me up at the bus stop and went together to the stinky job! We had breakfast like in ''the ol' days''. And there's a mix of rage and happiness for this. Rage because we have no love for this job and Happiness because we have each other. But you know what I hate the most? The fact that the happiness doesn't overwhelm me as it should... I'm not taken from the happiness of being loved by those special persons. Of course I'm thankful and consoled by this but I still have that Rage inside of me that makes me say: "It would have been perfect if we were still at the airport!". The neverending fight between the Good and evil.
And for this I hate myself! I don't want the evil inside of me.
I preach forgiveness and positive thoughts, love and joy for everybody but I'm not a good example! And this frustrates me... makes me feel so small and useless... It's all about faith in Holy God... it's all about offering Him our burdens... it's all about knowing everything has a solution. It's about no projects and no desires... it's about recognize that everything is in His hands...It's about receiving His unconditional fatherly Love. And yet, it's so difficult!

Empty day?!

Here's my day... woke up at 6, got ready, had breakfast, drove the iced small car for a couple of kilometers (it's not safe to walk at 7 am in this neighbor because there are no sidewalks and it is still dark!)... the car doesn't de-ice... I tried with a special liquid but inside the warm air is not enough to clear the windows... so I have to drive in a weird way to be sure I don't hit a bicycle! Met Patty at the bus stop, had a light argument on 'the future' (Patty is one of my Spice G.friend and airport ex-collegue... she too is jobless and works with me at the stinky job) we are in a 'dark moment to see the future clearly... then started working at 8. 10 minutes break, then at work..., half an hour to eat lunch and then in the stinky room again. 10 minutes break at 4pm.. then work until 6. To the doctor for Monocolo's antibiotics (I sense he's getting sick again and want to be sure I have the medicines at home), to the farmacy, took the car back home. Got ready to exercise... this has been the highlight of the day! Shower... Arianna rings the bell (Andrea and Guido are attending the condominium meeting... we speak about nothing and actually I get hurted by some of her sayings or not listenings or.. boh... Andrea comes back.. we eat... I'm tired and will go to bed soon... tomorrow... same day. I can't think about searching for a regular 9-5 job... I'm not that kind of person!:-(

New Year's Resolutions

Every new year I always have, within the thousand, the same resolution...: loose weight. I think it's 20 years I wish the same thing for the new year but I'm not so good in keeping it. Actually I keep on gaining weight. Hopefully this year is the good one! Of course it's not easy to keep exercising every day, and stay away from the food...that I love sooo much. But I'm afraid I'll become like my dad, and this is something I really don't want to.
So Andrea gave me this PlayStation2 game for X-mas. I hate PlayStation and Gameboy and those kind of things, I think they're too good in keeping the mind away from books and theatre and movies and art in general... so I always had big arguments with Andrea because he is addicted to videogames and see art in them.
I once bought this PlayStation2 for him with the compromise that he had to play with it only when I'm not at home. Of course I'm always at home, so he never plays. Now in the last issue of FitnessMagazine, gentle concession of my friend Jenny, I saw this new game that helps to achive one's fitness goals and u can choose from different sets of exercises, from martial arts to aerobics and dance ... it's fun and easy and I think that it will help a little to stick with my resolution.
So let's see what I'll be able to do.
Tomorrow I'll start again with the stinky job:-(

Happy 2006

Capodanno 2006 II
Originally uploaded by margiana.

I've been able to connect only today! It has been hectic in those last days!

The 23 we left to Rome and Monocolo came with us... he mewed for half an hour, then he slept.
Once in Rome, we simply started eating. My dad is on diet (he lost 8 kilos but needs to loose some 50 more) so we had a sort of light Christmas Eve dinner (hihihihi...light!!!) but the fattest was on Christmas day. Basically we never stopped eating. And poor Andrea spent 6 days on computers. My brother and 2 of my cousins started an ADSL internet connection and Andrea helped them to do everything... and to adjust all the problems those pc had. Wireless connections, new electric connections and such. And everybody was looking at him behind his shoulders and this is something he really hates:-( This is should be the 'programmer's spell'!
We both were looking forward to go home,(as for me, of course I had a big political argument with my dad right the day after I arrived home).
We headed home on the 29th. We emptied the car, freed Monocolo and then run to IKEA (we received a consistent gift certificate) and we spent it buying the furnitures for the 'living-room', a table for Andrea and his PC and some other little things.
Andrea got his backache again since we had to load on our small Toyota Yaris a big and heavy package. We finally got home and the lack of patience overwhelmed us.
We started assembling the furnitures but we've been awake until 2 am and could finish only the base of it. Next day we helped Patty to move from her apartment (she just bought an apartment) and took our few boxes away from her garage. In the afternoon we kept on assembling the furniture until 4 am. Next day we woke up around 12.30 pm, finished to assemble everything and tidied up things around, that means we had to find all the CDs, DVDs, Playstation games and stuff like this, organize them and put into the shelves. Finally we cleaned the house and arranged the table for the dinner. I started cooking lentils (the tradition says that the more lentils you eat, more money in the new year). Shower and dressed up for the party. The guests arrived with the other courses... the menu was:
Appetizer-salame and cheese, potato chips, tortillas with different sauces, salmon and olives canape, and a bottle of Rossini to drink.
Main course-Lasagne in different shapes and colors!
Fabiola is from the region where the lasagna is characteristic... so she just made wonderful and great-tasting lasagne: 1 lasagna with mushrooms, another with artichokes, the traditional one with ragu and besciamella and last but not least (my favourite) with fontina (a kind of cheese), diced bacon and porcini mushrooms. Oh my... this was really fantastic!
We drunk Vino Nobile di Montepulciano red wine.
The tradition says that on New Years Eve one must eat lentils and 'zampone' (pig's trotter stuffed with seasoned mincemeat) or 'cotechino' (kind of spiced Italian sausage). Just to be sure I cooked both.
To finish Pandoro e Panettone (typical italian X-mas sort of cakes) and dried fruits...
As you can imagine, once the midnight arrived it has been a very difficult task to stand up (and not roll out) and go outside to light up sparklers and kiss best wishes with Arianna and the gang (my next door neighbor)... once back in the house, we could simple sit and play some games. At 2 am everybody was gone and after cleaning dishes and glasses (still no washing machine)Andrea and I were able to look around and feel blessed for what we have... a shelter, friends and our love... we missed you 'overseas friends'!

Febbre!

Fever! Last night my temperature raised enough to make me realize I'm sick! My throat is doing a little better but now I've got a strong cold with this special low voice that should be somehow sexy but the 'babba bia' (meaning mamma mia) pronunciation doesn't help at all.
The good thing is that today I did not go to the stinky job-place and so tomorrow!
The bad thing is that tomorrow I have to pack so many things... and prepare everything for the trip... need to arrange things for Monocolo and be in the mood for Christmas. Need to pick my cell phone from the technical assistance since it suddenly shut down last week. I've never wanted to own a cell phone but from the time I have it I feel lost without. I've got notes and numbers and the memorandum 'book' and the stored sms. So I'm happy that is repaired for only 30€! In those days I used what we call 'scarface' cell phone which misses a couple of keys and its display is partially scratched... moreover has different keys for symbols and spaces and stuff... so I was hell to write a text message!
Cell apart. Tomorrow we'll leave when Andrea will be back home from work (I'm sure not before 6pm) and this means that we'll probably be stucked in the Autostrada for hours before getting to Rome.
Today I had a Skype-chat with Arianna about the party for the New Year's Eve. Doesn't seem to understand my point of view about Claudia, the past and the things that changes... I feel better because I let out my feelings... but I'm not positive the attitudes will change!
I spent the rest of the day on the internet! Surfing around.. loosing the sense of time and watching my Monocat sleeping and snoring under the blanket. I love him when sleeps like this... it's so peaceful!

Angelo

Angelo 2
Originally uploaded by margiana.

People-Persons-Human Beings... what a beautiful creation. All similar in shapes and forms but all different. What a beautiful world we do live in! The bus driver that smashes the door right in front of my face, looking at me with a grin or the girl that smiles at me and asks where I got the hair pin from. The guy that stinks like nothing else in the world and the little boy that is visibly happy due to the music in his headphones. The friend that breaks your heart and the one that heals it. The happy and the sad, the worried and the vain... there's something of somebody in everybody and yet so many combinations of everything end up with some sort of perfect mix. No matter if you are good or bad, beautiful or hugly... each one of us has some specialty.
Today I had the chance to share not more than 1 hour and a half with Ester, an ex-airport-collegue who lives now in Swiss to join a project of Youth for Christ .We did not had a lot of time to talk, we barely explained what's happening, mostly because I have been in a monologue due to my unemployment situation but... there have been connections. There has been a 'sharing' something... and this Something it's Important because it heals the wounded hearts and reminds me that living following our own ideals and beliefs should make us proud of who we choose to be and of what we choose to do.
Need to keep it in mind! Thanks Ester!

Back home: same day... different world!

Back home... still feverish and big swollen eyes but Christmas lights are on... home is warm and dinner's ready... I really have a lot of LOVE around me!

I WANT MY JOB BACK!

Bad day! Went to work at the stinky data entry thing! It's horrible... I feel stupid because I still don't know how to use the programme, and when I look around me for help I can't find it...because the help I need is not in that room. I got out of there and had to rush for the bus... Once on the crowded bus I really wanted to cry! I had to fight against my tears..didn't want to let them fall down: they won! I drove my car home where the vets were already waiting for me. They visited Monocolo and said that his only 'working' eye will not be the 'working' one anymore...the good eye is loosing his clearness, so that he may not be a Monocolo anymore... (Monocolo in italian means 'with one eye only'!)... when the veterinaries left home I just wanted to cry soooo badly... and I did.
I want my job back... I want to be a ramp agent.. I want to work in the open air, breath the polluting fuel, push-back those aircrafts and let those giants leave the earth. .... and at the same time, I know it's silly to act like this and I understand it... but I can't think about anything else today.
Gotta go to buy medicines for Monocolo and then to work to the swimming pool...
I'm sick... got the fever.
This is a bad day!

A walk in the city

Had a walk in the city yesterday...we say 'in centro', with two different friends... In the morning I met Rita and we had breakfast in the cafeteria of the Sala Borsa: the public library that we both love. Lot of chats.. and positive moods. I like Bologna very much... it's not too 'fast' and u can always get some time for u at 'your time'. We talked about her new job and about my stinky job and about some airport-ex-collegues-gossip.
At lunch I met Julie and we ate together 'lots of fiber' in a comfortable place. Then we had a walk to see the things in the shops:-) Both are struggling with a disastrous economical crisis but u know what? we are both very lucky anyway.
Back home I cooked something for the dinner at Patty's home... I cooked stuffed-mushrooms and a salted cake with artichokes... we ate like pigs and had a very good time together... I really think I had a good day! Good vibes are around me:-)

1st day of work!!

I don't understand... I don't understand how can people smell so bad... I really can't understand it! I do understand that some people are not so keen in having too many showers (that is good: u can save water).. or I do know that sometimes teenagers don't have a great relationship with the washing water... but it's only a period, soon they won't be teenagers anymore. I know there are some other whose skin is more perspirant and others that for religious issues or for some special beliefs don't use deodorants... others who simply don't have access to soaps and shampoo... but... how it is possible for a guy on his past 20ies to smell so bad? His breath is horrible for the smoke and the not-washing-his-teeth thing and the rest is unbelievably stinking... so now... today it was my first day at this stupid-silly-low-paid-data-entry-job... and this guy, a sort of supervisor explained me everything and showed me how to control the bills and other things.. that means that his closiness was too close and that I was almost going to throw up right on the desk I was working! Moreover... if I think that I will spend there a lot of hours in the next days, it simply gross me out... bleaaaahhhhh
So my friend...the lessons for today is... never underestimate the power of a bad smell:-)
Take care of the planet, don't misuse water but please, keep the bad smell under control!!!
As for the rest I won't tell you how I felt after 8 hours of a new computer program... right in front of the screen!!!

Good Mood

...I'm in a good mood! Yes, you're reading it right:I'm in a good mood!
It's almost unbelievable.. but I feel good.
Everyday more I'm getting signs of the greatness of our Savior... and now I think it's time to make those signs fruitful..
A friend is pregnant and is now a unmarried-mother, and even if this baby was not planned, she's doing all her best to give him/her a 'perfect' life... it's going to be difficult but... she will sort things out!
The unionist said that the excess employees won't be laid at home...so that now 3 of my 'Spice-Girl friend' won't became jobless as the other 2 (Patty and I)... and that means that we still have a little chance to support each other.
Another friend found the perfect job... the salary is not enough for her needs but it's a part-time job and she's optimistic she'll find some other job to improve the salary... and she'll be happy with it.
Another friend simply thanked me.
As Kathy says I don't have to plan things and need to give my burdens to God, and his will will be done... and.. as my friend Jenny says, the more positive I think the better it will be. Of course there are days in which I don't feel right but today I feel good... and the more good I feel the better it is:-)

My B-day....33rd

Regali 33rd b-day2
Originally uploaded by margiana.

Spent the morning at the employment office to apply for the unemployment benefit. I had to wait for almost an hour to produce a document where I had to say that I'm jobless (silly:-). In the meantime I gave a look to the job offers... the first one was:'Assistant to the Morgue room'. So now... nothing to object to the Morgue room assistant but of course it's not really what I'm looking for:-(
When we came out of this place the mood was not great... being there with all the other 'desperate' jobless and looking at a uncertain future is a little scary but... it was my b-day and nothing had to ruin it.
Andrea and I had lunch in an hip bar (you don't ate enough and pay too much)but at least was a vey nice place... then we went to IKEA (for a cappuccino) and at night we went to Patty's for dinner... it has been a sort of surprise dinner but most of the people that had to be there did not showed off: Fabiola was stucked in Bilbao... her flight was 5 hours delayed and Betta had another problem... Andrea A. was sick.. so at the end there was Patty, Matteo, Silvia, Antonio and Andrea and I... everything was perfect and the cake was great!

Searching for a job...found handmade stools

This morning I went with my friend Rita in the city center with the plan of systematically find a job...we met at the public library Sala Borsa, right in Piazza del Nettuno, we had a cappuccino and planned to go to some Recruitment Agencies to bring our résumées and see what it happens... and you know what?... it is really depressing... I felt like a piece of meat in the supermarket, and that is all! There's no interest in the person... but only in the quantity of "labels" you earned during your past job experiences... and I may be naive in this but no wonder if the majority of people is not satisfied with their jobs!
There is not really a match between demand and offer... but simply a commitment between which job is less horrible than the other. I may sound depress... but trust me... better not be unemployed after you had the job you like....
I also felt guilty to refuse a part-time telemarketing job (sounds like it's the only job available on the market) where I had to sell commercial spaces on the yellow pages! I CAN'T SELL COMMERCIAL SPACES... I'm not going to make this job SIMPLY BECAUSE I'M NOT A GOOD SELLER!!! and the fact that I'm good in being with people and outspoken doesn't mean I'm a good seller... I can fake but it won't last... it's biological!
Does anybody know that there are persons that love to sell and persons that don't?
I refused the job telling the girl that I'll be happy to leave this employment to somebody who'll be more motivated to do it..."more motivated = better job" isn't it so?
and I know there may be the perfect job for me and that it will soon display right in front of me but... in the meantime you get plenty of shit!

Passing on... other than that I stopped at the airport because a guy who works there had to give me a gift... I used to work with this man a lot when I was at the airport. He is one of those guy who help people with wheelchairs to get from the terminal to the aircraft or the one who brings the AVIH (alive animals in hold) dogs and cats under the aircraft so to be loaded in the holds and other helpful jobs.
He came to know that Andrea and I bought an house and wanted to give us a 'welcome gift'... even if it's already a year we're in.
Enzo (his name) is very gentle and is one of those people that takes a long time to express a simple thought and speaks allusively so to gain a sort of philosopher fame in his environment... He says that buying an house is a very important thing and that is the basis for bigger projects and that even if you own only the roof over your head you are half way to happiness and such....( I did not underlined the fact that I won't own my house before 29 years and that the fact that I bought an house is now a pain in the ass when the loan bill
arrives :-))..well he handmade from recycled wood those 2 stools... and I find it so nice that somebody who I'm only in a ex-sort-of-collegue-relationship made with his hands something that will be in my house!!! (and they're made out of recycled wood!!!)... so I finally got home with a smile on my face... still believing in PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP as the base for an healthy spirit.
Monocolo is recovering from his cold and the house is warm... want to go back in my slippers, read a little, listen to Allie McBeal Original Soundtrack and drink my favourite Oregon Chai Tea in my NYC mug!

I Want to be a computer geek!

Since I'm jobless at the moment.... I have plenty of time to surf the internet. Of course I keep me busy with other things, but in days like this when outside is sooooo cold and the fog covers everything, I prefer stay at home surfing this weird world that is internet....
So my next 'mission' is to share with you my friends some thoughts, moments, ideas and pictures that remain otherwise un-shared making them nonsense... so now we'll have more nonsense shared:-) I think that can be an aim!

Thanksgiving and the Snowman

Yesterday we attended a Thanksgiving dinner here in Italy. An ex collegue of mine whose wife is American invited us and a bunch of friend to share the meaning of Thanksgiving... we ate a lot... (see the table...)all the traditional recipes as turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pumpkin and apple pie.... the dinner turned out to be a beautiful time for sharing....
We really appreciated the invitation and we came out of their 'warm' home with some more things to be thankful for...

This morning we woke up and there was a beautiful sun... shining over the snow that falled yesterday... so we decided to 'create' our Snowman... that we called Mike... and we stayed outside sunbathing for a couple of hours... Beautiful Sun....